I can't believe they have him as the opening act...

I could do the cooking and dust your old records...

Maybe now you can understand why I can't get a date.

Then how come I haven't had a girlfriend in four years?

I don't want this showing up on a credit card statement.

She just doesn't understand how I would know someone like you.

And there is just no way to explain how I feel.

I think I'm ready to get back to my old life.

and I don't want her to have the wrong idea, you know?

I have to admit things are starting to look up for me...

I would have warned you it's not like a real party or anything.

Look, I just need someone to be nice to me for five minutes...