Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

We weren't spontaneously performing in the streets

Oh, man. I mean, this is gonna be fun.

Carl Sagan knows the universe is eternal

Coming full circle.

in large groups or anything,

- Pete Ward's here? Yeah, baby. - ROPER: Oh, yeah.

And we used to be telepathic.

WILLOUGHBY: Yeah. FINN: You know, I tried to warn them.

I'm a sophomore. I live in the apartment next to Angie.

so he'll disguise himself somehow.

The best in a-gambling Nesbit's a-rambling

Look, I'll tell you who we are.

- Good game, man. - You can't...

Lot of Twilight Zones, man.

I feel great with those odds.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

- You're fucked, Brum. - What?

- so this is about done. - Mmm-hmm.

(IN GERMAN ACCENT) I have very special ways.

ROPER: What party?

Did he just call his dick a joke?

I had a stack of offers about that high, that high.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- Beuter. - Yes, sir.

Yeah, yeah, he never wants people to know he's watching,

Full throttle to the bottle.

So don't you think we would get more ass living on campus?

I mean, yeah, it's ridiculous to roll a boulder

So, what you want me to do?

Does that mean you're not going?

- Folded like a lawn chair. - Yup. Yup, yup, yup.

Sure those pants couldn't be a little tighter there?

That's a good point. That's a good point.

Oh. What's up, dude? You gotta see this.

Mmm. Oh, we're going to a show soon.

- Oh, yeah. - Mmm-hmm.

No, not dumb necessarily.

- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second. - ROPER: Why?

I'll make a good father someday.

Hey, screwdriver! Okay?

(CHUCKLING) Okay.

Dancers... (RETCHING)

I'm not afraid to challenge you, man.

You thinking you got me clocked, then I set you up.

It must've been awfully important like...

We knew we'd find you drunks here!

"The beauty of a living thing isn't about the atoms that go into it,

- (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) - (WHOOPING)

It's called a little bit of freshmen...

- Hey. Nice to meet you. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, man. I mean, school hasn't even started yet,

- Did you see that? - JAKE: What?

Just gets a little hairy.

Okay, Jacob. Yeah, we'll see you, man.

That's where I tie it in to baseball.

Good, bad, doesn't matter.

something that he could potentially find meaning in.

you're the Hillside Strangler anymore, um...

preferably in the bed, as well.

is that you have not earned teammate status yet.

of the things they've done.

This one, this one loves catching our balls,

From California, senior Charlie Willoughby.

ROPER: Just give it up, son.

Except for, I think... This one.

I feel like the Astros are gonna make it to the World Series.

The hiney was flawless.

and everyone else is, like, hideous.

- Hi. Charlie Willoughby. Hi. - Jake. Good to meet you.

just broke that rule, you know?

It just seems a little phony.

I reckon he'll be out of there before too long, won't he?

I'd like to introduce you to the new guys on the team.

Well, hey, oh, hey This will make your day

Jacob? Hey, how you doing? I'm Billy Autrey.

But you only gotta be passing nine to be eligible.

See, no, it's genius, actually.

What do you do? I mean, you didn't really answer me.

All right, new guy coming in, getting all the ladies.

I ain't never put it in a pig!

- It's our ball. - Damn it!

- (JAKE GRUNTS) - Impossible to move.

- And the eyes! - ROPER: Let me see that.

- (LAUGHS) - Wow.

- Finn, don't disappoint me. - Give me a second.

Get it under your arms and on your chest.

Yes, sir. (EXHALES)

that the lucky helmet was probably not the factor

Did he just flick a lime in my drink?

Sharks have tails.

ROPER: What the fuck, Niles! DALE: Well, that was ugly.

Alex Brumley, outfield.

JAKE: I, uh, think that's our professor.

but I told them I'm going to college for a couple of years.

I swear to fucking God! Shut your mouth!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

You could come all sweaty and in your uniform.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

It's the one with the three scratches on the bill.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

- Yeah? All right. All right. - Cool.

What the hell's wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me.

- Hey, what's wrong with Jacob? - (JAKE GROANS)

Okay, lock in. Lock in.

But what you limp cocks don't seem to realize

Them's the rule, Brums!

Drop one class, blow off another.

- PLUM: What's up? - What's happening, man?

- Wait, Jay Niles isn't with you guys? - (ALL GROAN)

(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Ah, give me a second.

Spread your girl's legs and then I have lunch

Now you can come back here and do the five-knuckle shuffle

No, no, I'm all right, thanks. (INHALES SHARPLY)

Uh, well, shit, if you ever wanna find Beuter, just follow the phone cord.

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm on the baseball team.

JAY: Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

The raw dog. (CHUCKLES)

All baseball players out of here! I mean it!

That's what that was all about.

See, that's a bad bet. I'll take the bet.

Sick to the bone but we come with style

I'll head over pretty soon then.

No trust me, man, she's not fucking pregnant, all right?

Four screwdrivers One fat straw, baby!

How did you even, like... (CLICKS TONGUE)

down at that Jolly Fox and Sound Machine, or whatever.

PLUM: She looks like my fifth grade teacher.

And this dude on the porch?

I like the quiet guy in the back seat,

- ROPER: Oh, my God. - Fuck you!

I'm telling you.

Be responsible out there this weekend, okay?

is trying to stop us from, from going to a party, is that...

- Val? - How you doing, Dale?

Fucking swing the bat, man.

- (JAY GASPS) - PLAYER 1: Whoo-hoo!

- All right, go get 'em, Jake. - Let's go, fellas.

Y'all wanna know the truth?

Oh, thank God. Finally.

that also offered me a scholarship.

Cats shouldn't be in fridges.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Tony: like my mustache?

No cover, free beer till 11:00 at Guaranteed Wholesome.

ROPER: Sharpshooter status, right here.

Can you give us a moment?

MANAGER: Out of the club! Right the fuck now! Get them out!

Yeah, I loved it.

Now I gotta put out that fucking fire.

Because corporate America is shoving something down your throat

Here we are ... Persians for a night!

and we've agreed to be responsible for them.

It steps up from one moment to another and leads you there, just...

- on the first day or so? - Yeah.

that we're ever gonna get that back?

- How you doing? - GIRL: Hi.

There's plenty of room in both these houses for socializing.

$300 and a kid?

I ain 't really a fan of that attitude

- Freshman's hearing things. - No, dude.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

- Fuck. - I tell you.

BRUM: The fuck is wrong with that guy?

Don't act like you don't like me just because I got good hair!

Well, take notes, boys,

It sort of begs the question about who we really are.

You close your eyes, and somebody places

Shut up shut up shut up. Cause I am doing so many Stupid errands. By speaking with forked tongue

All right, boys. All right, bring it up, bring it up!

- How's it going? - Yeah, yeah!

Don't tell me you're flying blind into this thing.

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

You ol Jimmy Fallon on shrooms ass you ol Adam Sandler Rob Schneider lookin ass you ol wanna bone Kristy Swanson lookin ass You ol Eddie Murphy mixed with P. Diddy lookin ass you ol Jamie Foxx Tommy Davidson lookin ass you ol Jennifer Gardner Judy Greer shape ass

ROPER: Huh? Is that right?

Now, superstition, it's bringing a...

You want me on the mound!

All right! Our lucky year!