Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Well, take notes, boys,

WILLOUGHBY: Yeah. FINN: You know, I tried to warn them.

Four screwdrivers One fat straw, baby!

I'm a sophomore. I live in the apartment next to Angie.

You could come all sweaty and in your uniform.

Fucking swing the bat, man.

preferably in the bed, as well.

All baseball players out of here! I mean it!

- Hi. Charlie Willoughby. Hi. - Jake. Good to meet you.

- Fuck. - I tell you.

It's called a little bit of freshmen...

ROPER: What party?

Does that mean you're not going?

Sure those pants couldn't be a little tighter there?

- ROPER: Oh, my God. - Fuck you!

- Oh, yeah. - Mmm-hmm.

Drop one class, blow off another.

Tony: like my mustache?

The raw dog. (CHUCKLES)

down at that Jolly Fox and Sound Machine, or whatever.

- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second. - ROPER: Why?

Yeah, man. I mean, school hasn't even started yet,

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm on the baseball team.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

- It's our ball. - Damn it!

Oh. What's up, dude? You gotta see this.

Now, superstition, it's bringing a...

- Hey, what's wrong with Jacob? - (JAKE GROANS)

Dancers... (RETCHING)

Except for, I think... This one.

(CHUCKLING) Okay.

Yes, sir. (EXHALES)

What the hell's wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me.

Yeah, yeah, he never wants people to know he's watching,

"The beauty of a living thing isn't about the atoms that go into it,

I'm telling you.

Well, hey, oh, hey This will make your day

It's the one with the three scratches on the bill.

But what you limp cocks don't seem to realize

I had a stack of offers about that high, that high.

Get it under your arms and on your chest.

We knew we'd find you drunks here!

It sort of begs the question about who we really are.

Y'all wanna know the truth?

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

There's plenty of room in both these houses for socializing.

Lot of Twilight Zones, man.

Because corporate America is shoving something down your throat

just broke that rule, you know?

So, what you want me to do?

Jacob? Hey, how you doing? I'm Billy Autrey.

This one, this one loves catching our balls,

- PLUM: What's up? - What's happening, man?

You thinking you got me clocked, then I set you up.

Now you can come back here and do the five-knuckle shuffle

- Pete Ward's here? Yeah, baby. - ROPER: Oh, yeah.

The best in a-gambling Nesbit's a-rambling

- Folded like a lawn chair. - Yup. Yup, yup, yup.

ROPER: Huh? Is that right?

in large groups or anything,

- How's it going? - Yeah, yeah!

Yeah, I loved it.

JAY: Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

All right! Our lucky year!

Don't act like you don't like me just because I got good hair!

Full throttle to the bottle.

From California, senior Charlie Willoughby.

Carl Sagan knows the universe is eternal

that the lucky helmet was probably not the factor

- All right, go get 'em, Jake. - Let's go, fellas.

of the things they've done.

It steps up from one moment to another and leads you there, just...

That's what that was all about.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

- Good game, man. - You can't...

I'd like to introduce you to the new guys on the team.

But you only gotta be passing nine to be eligible.

Coming full circle.

I reckon he'll be out of there before too long, won't he?

I'm not afraid to challenge you, man.

Don't tell me you're flying blind into this thing.

- Wait, Jay Niles isn't with you guys? - (ALL GROAN)

- Yeah? All right. All right. - Cool.

Now I gotta put out that fucking fire.

you're the Hillside Strangler anymore, um...

ROPER: What the fuck, Niles! DALE: Well, that was ugly.

- (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) - (WHOOPING)

That's where I tie it in to baseball.

is that you have not earned teammate status yet.

Cats shouldn't be in fridges.

All right, boys. All right, bring it up, bring it up!

Oh, thank God. Finally.

Just gets a little hairy.

- You're fucked, Brum. - What?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. Oh, we're going to a show soon.

Spread your girl's legs and then I have lunch

and we've agreed to be responsible for them.

And this dude on the porch?

And we used to be telepathic.

Look, I'll tell you who we are.

Sharks have tails.

- And the eyes! - ROPER: Let me see that.

You close your eyes, and somebody places

The hiney was flawless.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Uh, well, shit, if you ever wanna find Beuter, just follow the phone cord.

- Beuter. - Yes, sir.

I'll make a good father someday.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- How you doing? - GIRL: Hi.

ROPER: Sharpshooter status, right here.

PLUM: She looks like my fifth grade teacher.

Alex Brumley, outfield.

See, that's a bad bet. I'll take the bet.

so he'll disguise himself somehow.

I mean, yeah, it's ridiculous to roll a boulder

- Freshman's hearing things. - No, dude.

that also offered me a scholarship.

So don't you think we would get more ass living on campus?

I feel like the Astros are gonna make it to the World Series.

I feel great with those odds.

What do you do? I mean, you didn't really answer me.

Be responsible out there this weekend, okay?

- Finn, don't disappoint me. - Give me a second.

JAKE: I, uh, think that's our professor.

Sick to the bone but we come with style

Can you give us a moment?

That's a good point. That's a good point.

something that he could potentially find meaning in.

Ah, give me a second.

(IN GERMAN ACCENT) I have very special ways.

I ain 't really a fan of that attitude

No trust me, man, she's not fucking pregnant, all right?

- Did you see that? - JAKE: What?

You ol Jimmy Fallon on shrooms ass you ol Adam Sandler Rob Schneider lookin ass you ol wanna bone Kristy Swanson lookin ass You ol Eddie Murphy mixed with P. Diddy lookin ass you ol Jamie Foxx Tommy Davidson lookin ass you ol Jennifer Gardner Judy Greer shape ass

I swear to fucking God! Shut your mouth!

No, not dumb necessarily.

It must've been awfully important like...

is trying to stop us from, from going to a party, is that...

(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

- so this is about done. - Mmm-hmm.

but I told them I'm going to college for a couple of years.

No, no, I'm all right, thanks. (INHALES SHARPLY)

Okay, lock in. Lock in.

that we're ever gonna get that back?

- (JAKE GRUNTS) - Impossible to move.

How did you even, like... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Good, bad, doesn't matter.

All right, new guy coming in, getting all the ladies.

Did he just call his dick a joke?

Here we are ... Persians for a night!

Shut up shut up shut up. Cause I am doing so many Stupid errands. By speaking with forked tongue

Okay, Jacob. Yeah, we'll see you, man.

- Hey. Nice to meet you. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

See, no, it's genius, actually.

BRUM: The fuck is wrong with that guy?

I'll head over pretty soon then.

Hey, screwdriver! Okay?

and everyone else is, like, hideous.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

No cover, free beer till 11:00 at Guaranteed Wholesome.

It just seems a little phony.

I like the quiet guy in the back seat,

$300 and a kid?

You want me on the mound!

Them's the rule, Brums!

- on the first day or so? - Yeah.

ROPER: Just give it up, son.

Oh, man. I mean, this is gonna be fun.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

- (LAUGHS) - Wow.

Did he just flick a lime in my drink?

- Val? - How you doing, Dale?

MANAGER: Out of the club! Right the fuck now! Get them out!

- (JAY GASPS) - PLAYER 1: Whoo-hoo!

We weren't spontaneously performing in the streets

I ain't never put it in a pig!