Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Now, that's a fact, I know that.

Here for a good time not a long time, right?

Those guys are always so fucking weird.

by that asshole in the car back there.

- About there? (LAUGHS) - Yeah, border. Borderline.

That's not true, though. You haven't danced with one girl yet.

was the baddest guy on his high school team.

I'll come show you a good time.

Desperate for pussy! (LAUGHS)

Yeah, man, that's what she says.

JAY: Get out of my way.

Hey, I don't think we really fit in here.

All right, 307. Help me remember that?

The second coming of Nolan Ryan.

Let me drop a Finnegism and make a Finnegasm

- 20-17! - 17 -point.

in Coma's ability to get a hit

- Sure thing. - (ALL LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

- Pete Ward. - What about him?

Who are you to say he isn't real?

Oh, shoot, man.

- PLAYER: Good hit, Mac! - Hey, nice hit.

Say hello, Finn.

We're out here, ahead of all the other teams

You just wouldn't listen, Nez. You wanna go half price?

MAC: (LAUGHS) Yeah.

Right now, I guarantee you he's telling those girls

Well, well, well!

Would you like to come see my large collection of heads,

FINN: See, the perfect rim ingredients keep the drink on its toes.

Is that really what you're asking me?

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

- You are a natural. - Thank you.

and she's running them through the wringer, okay?

- (GIRLS LAUGHING) - Yeah, baby!

one ol' boy got hit in the head

This big house just outside of town,

Let's just hope they don't realize what they've done.

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

you know, I stepped up.

Yeah, "bitch boy."

Yeah, you keep up that funky-ass spin shit.

- How bad is it? - It's bad.

I'm a fucking pro prospect, too, and you know it.

These people could really use a Bible!

FINN: Whatever, girls.

GORDAN: If you haven't met yet,

I just implied you guys might be bored, that's all.

It's this year.

Not a lefty, are you?

(CHUCKLING) Not at the moment.

Student Center? Come with us. Come on, we'll fix you up!

What, you just wake up one morning just fucking... (YELLS)

- (MOCKINGLY) Aww. - (LAUGHS)

- (ALL CHEERING) - Yeah!

BEUTER: I'll let you boys deal with that hocus-pocus junk.

- Same shot every time! - All right. You know, um, Mac?

Yeah. Yeah. There's gonna be too much smoke.

Yeah. Hey, Beuter.

What is that brown shit on your lip?

Ah. Not very healthy.

But beyond that, I'm not counting on anything.

You know what, your little...

your guys' cup of tea, but, I mean, fuck it,

Hell, you got 21, 22-year-old guys over there

a holdover from primitive humans

God, am I the only person living in reality here?

"Is his girlfriend in his family tree?"

Just trying to help you! Ungrateful kid.

I'm just not gonna do that.

It's called a Manitoba Moose.

- Jake! Hey! Hi! - Hey! Hey!

Shut up. Let's go.

It's a bad bet.

Back off! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

Dang, that sure is Lone Star. That's alcohol right there.

- Fuckin' with me. - No...

If it's a crime to be sexy then you're under arrest

with all your physiological phenomena bullshit.

Um, you could probably come, if you want.

because he was just able to do so without it.

BRUM: Yeah, sure thing, dude.

Good! Then don't.

Hey, guys The name's Alex Brumley

And you think the way things are going now

Bullshit! You're on the team now, baby!

You got the best cheese on campus

- ROPER: Oh, yeah. - They're intelligent girls.

There's only one thing bigger than my IQ

- Oh, Jesus Christ, not this psychopath. - DALE: Oh, shit.

ROPER: All right, what are we looking at? Let's see.

How did you know what room I was in?

What is the most trouble you've ever gone to, to meet a girl?

Even taking hits from bongs. (CHUCKLES)

- Right. See ya. - Okay. All right.

FINN: She's testing you. She's trying to gauge your response.

BEVERLY: Is this your first-choice school, or...

Do it all wrong

I wish I had a tail. Fuck, that'd be awesome.

I don't know if you guys are doing anything tonight,

You know, we're playing baseball.

- (EXHALES) - ...and on the count of three,

DALE: Thanks, man.

Chug it, Justin! Go, go, go, go, go!

I'll let you know when I feel threatened.

- You drafted? - No.

Practice like you play, man.

and a big-ass joint on top.

- Eight up! Eight up! Let's go! Let's do it! - JAY: Eight-eight.

We have a little tradition out here welcoming in the new guys.

Let's go, boys. Let's go! Hey!

See, now the gloves are off.

What do you mean, "the Pete Ward thing"?

(LAUGHING) You gotta be shittin' me, man!

you'd have been shut down. You don't see that?

"his cock looks like an outie bellybutton."

DALE AND FINN: (CHANTING) Jake! Jake!

Okay, you know, we all take turns being chumps around here.

Hey! Man-child here thinks he can take me.

Uh-oh. If things calm down, Nez, you're next, bro.

Pete Ward's real. (LAUGHS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Things only mean as much as the meaningfulness

Okay, now play like you got some fucking semen in your sack, Brum.

Hey, you still with Gretchen?

Okay. Number two, and it's a biggie, gentlemen.

(FAUCET HISSING)

in-between the notes that they're offering you.

- Finn? - Yeah?

You wrote about that for your essay...

I'm gonna go upstairs real quick.

with all the other little pigs you used to fuck.

I don't know, man. (SNIFFS)

I'll shove it up your ass and I'll sign it!

Show us your PITTS!!

Bachelor number two? Are you there?

we're gonna play cards, you have fun.

Yeah, me, too, man.

Look, there are thousands and thousands of people

That's what we're talking about!

ROPER: Ew. Stop.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no. They're with us.