Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- Oh! - ALL: Ugh!
You guys aren't the All-Stars you thought you were
He's being modest.
on this bitch last summer,
Where?
Are you gonna ask me to dance, or are you just gonna stand there?
Guys.
That's what he implied.
FINN: Act like you've read a book before. Jeez.
Would I have walked up to you
from these stupid little competitions.
Dodgers win. You're such a dick.
"What if he smells my breath?"
You know, at someone's house out of town.
Did you tell her?
Really? No fucking way!
If you guys want more beer, go to Howard.
Just what we need, another fucking pitcher.
after you went to all that trouble.
ALL: Oh!
You know, they're just... They're a little scared of us. You know?
- They made all that up, too. - PLUM: Yeah?
So, all of y'all play on the baseball team?
Two hours of drinking before the team meeting.
It's a major you can actually practice before graduating.
sometimes endearingly clumsy, or is that just her?
I think.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
It's like a puzzle, man.
Angie, you look amazing.
What are you talking about?
- No, F that and you. - No, Jake, Jake!
(EXHALES)
Good job, baby! Good job!
No girls upstairs in those bedrooms.
She's just giving you shit for it because you left her back on the farm
Be my guest.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
`
(GRUNTS) D, I don't know. Why?
on top of another really fat girl,
and his 95-mile-an-hour fastball?
Yeah.
We goin' make a little trouble
I'm just trying to fit in
I don't know, man. Finn's got that Leeann chick in there.
All the guys around here punch me
DALE: Oh, Thompson? He's a football player.
(ALL JEERING)
Mmm.
Big difference.
DALE: Get ready, boys, your college careers are about to begin.
You go to a show, meet a couple of cute girls,
Who gives a turd what some egghead professor says?
So, you were really good at baseball in high school?
Don't bring him back here again, you get me?
isn't fucking music.
Now he's giving me the old-fashioned stare down!
The topic was to take a Greek myth and relate it to your own life.
Hey, look, you gotta start the semester with 12 hours, all right?
Beer for breakfast My Cap'n Crunch
- Yes, sir. - (LAUGHS)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, dude.
And where's, uh, San Luis Obispo?
there's gonna be some guidelines for living here.
JAKE: Yeah?
(SIGHS)
What does that mean?
(COUGHS)
"What's he like? What's he do?"
that wasn't quite good enough to play pro ball,
I told you so, man.
ROPER: Okay, Finn, you're up.
Cherokees are never leavin ' the top... Douglas
DALE: Whoo!
Yeah, I did, believe it or not.
It's gonna be a strange year, man.
You're the new guy?
- Yeah? - Yeah.
especially when we're freshman friends.
Bullshit. Bullshit. Just...
Get it on there, man.
You ol Terrance Howard shaky voice ass you ol James Brown Little Richard Ray Charles singing ass You ol Della Reese big ass you ol Snoop Dogg smokin ass you ol Carol Kane white hair ass you ol Whoopi Goldberg Spike Lee glasses ass you ol Bert and Ernie lookin ass
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
but it's not helping out any of your fucking teammates.
Yeah. Yeah, you is a team player, ain't you?
- Good to meet you, man. - Good to meet you.
Look, she's just taking your little chicken-fried nuts
What? Let's go! Come on! What'd you say?
Now, I'm Nesbit No shame with no game
Jake's got a big party tonight.
No, like they say, pressure's a choice.
onto a completely random sequence.
Well, you notice how everybody was somewhat courteous
Huh.
if you ever make it there.
MAC: He's fine. He's just fucking weird.
not because they get shot, but because they get overrun.
You know who drinks a screwdriver?
Yeah?
NEZ: I've never been able to do it.
- Excuse me. Bye. - Yup. Bye.
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
They gave us two houses. Man, we've got it made.
That I'm not gonna be playing this game forever?
Probably meeting up with her at a party later tonight.
you have to walk out on the tundra,
Welcome to the fucking party, Jake!
What miserable updraft wafts you three hither?
- Wanna come in? Okay. - Sure. Yeah.
Yes, it is.
I'm gonna fucking defend myself!
Let's get it.
all we talk about is pussy.
- This ain't no frat party. - (WHISTLES)
(CHUCKLES) At least take the sunglasses off, man.
- Having a tail. - Cereal?
What do you say?
Mmm-hmm.
think that the quiet guy in the back seat was cute?
"Go fly a kite!"
You know I'm a fucking ballplayer, all right?
Said she wanted to squat on your boner.
For you vets, I expect you to show the new guys around.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Hey, have you noticed everything around here's a competition, huh?
I'll show you my buns if the booze is free
All right. Jake Bradford
Oh, okay, don't mind me.
Today
Hands on the wheel and fondue my cheese
Sounds of amateurs
We're gonna shift our focus
Jesus fucking Christ, damn it.
- Is this the Mad Hatter? - MAD HATTER: Yes.
Plus, I think Mr. Finnegan set up a room downstairs for that.
- Come on, let's get a beer. Come in. - Yeah.
It's my good luck helmet. You know what I'm talking about, Finn.
Like a fucking vacuum cleaner down there, man.
Hey, ladies, uh...
Well, look at you. (SCOFFS)
on how to get your shit together, okay?
Anybody who fucks with me, they don't get fucked with back!
Show us your PITTS!!
Yeah, but a good year.
and work hard all year, right?
- All right. - Those your bags?
Here.
- That's special. - FINN: Let me talk, man.
filled with Greek gods who care.
We're just gonna do a quick wardrobe change,
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- A big pile of what? - Bullshit!
Fuck yeah!
but they think he's been doing this to other colleges.
- You locked in? All right. - Yeah.
And if you're not serious about that, you might as well go home.
- Uh-huh. - It's just a players-only practice
- Whoa, fuck! - That's for you, babe!
(MOCKING FINN)
Two, two, two, two! Ball's in the gap!
Known to get a little drunk
- Thirty! - Like a three and a zero.
(ALL LAUGHING)
All right? This is where it all starts.
Ah. C, she say if her roommate's gonna be there?
PLUM: Nah, dude.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
Too fucking philosophical for this shit.
Your fucking junkyard dog routine from fucking Detroit
I do.
PLUM: Oh!
It's Beuter Perkins until we tell you otherwise.
majoring in all kinds of shit here.
Come on, y'all, my name ain't Beuter. Okay, guys? It's Billy Autrey.