Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

She's just giving you shit for it because you left her back on the farm
majoring in all kinds of shit here.
Known to get a little drunk
You ol Terrance Howard shaky voice ass you ol James Brown Little Richard Ray Charles singing ass You ol Della Reese big ass you ol Snoop Dogg smokin ass you ol Carol Kane white hair ass you ol Whoopi Goldberg Spike Lee glasses ass you ol Bert and Ernie lookin ass
Said she wanted to squat on your boner.
No, like they say, pressure's a choice.
You're the new guy?
Huh.
but it's not helping out any of your fucking teammates.
The topic was to take a Greek myth and relate it to your own life.
You know I'm a fucking ballplayer, all right?
and his 95-mile-an-hour fastball?
- Come on, let's get a beer. Come in. - Yeah.
- Uh-huh. - It's just a players-only practice
I think.
I told you so, man.
What? Let's go! Come on! What'd you say?
We're gonna shift our focus
Would I have walked up to you
You go to a show, meet a couple of cute girls,
PLUM: Nah, dude.
It's Beuter Perkins until we tell you otherwise.
(COUGHS)
No girls upstairs in those bedrooms.
Fuck yeah!
Yeah?
- A big pile of what? - Bullshit!
Angie, you look amazing.
Mmm-hmm.
That I'm not gonna be playing this game forever?
I'll show you my buns if the booze is free
FINN: Act like you've read a book before. Jeez.
- This ain't no frat party. - (WHISTLES)
What does that mean?
- Thirty! - Like a three and a zero.
Be my guest.
Well, look at you. (SCOFFS)
DALE: Whoo!
Where?
What are you talking about?
(GRUNTS) D, I don't know. Why?
Who gives a turd what some egghead professor says?
All right? This is where it all starts.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
And where's, uh, San Luis Obispo?
Two hours of drinking before the team meeting.
Jesus fucking Christ, damn it.
Two, two, two, two! Ball's in the gap!
but they think he's been doing this to other colleges.
Don't bring him back here again, you get me?
Cherokees are never leavin ' the top... Douglas
and work hard all year, right?
DALE: Oh, Thompson? He's a football player.
Like a fucking vacuum cleaner down there, man.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
It's like a puzzle, man.
Sounds of amateurs
Dodgers win. You're such a dick.
PLUM: Oh!
Did you tell her?
all we talk about is pussy.
All the guys around here punch me
Too fucking philosophical for this shit.
- Having a tail. - Cereal?
(EXHALES)
- Wanna come in? Okay. - Sure. Yeah.
Beer for breakfast My Cap'n Crunch
Mmm.
on how to get your shit together, okay?
If you guys want more beer, go to Howard.
"What if he smells my breath?"
(SIGHS)
onto a completely random sequence.
Well, you notice how everybody was somewhat courteous
- Is this the Mad Hatter? - MAD HATTER: Yes.
For you vets, I expect you to show the new guys around.
I'm gonna fucking defend myself!
`
Ah. C, she say if her roommate's gonna be there?
- That's special. - FINN: Let me talk, man.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Just what we need, another fucking pitcher.
on top of another really fat girl,
after you went to all that trouble.
Your fucking junkyard dog routine from fucking Detroit
there's gonna be some guidelines for living here.
sometimes endearingly clumsy, or is that just her?
on this bitch last summer,
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
You guys aren't the All-Stars you thought you were
We goin' make a little trouble
He's being modest.
Come on, y'all, my name ain't Beuter. Okay, guys? It's Billy Autrey.
Bullshit. Bullshit. Just...
Now he's giving me the old-fashioned stare down!
Probably meeting up with her at a party later tonight.
isn't fucking music.
- Oh! - ALL: Ugh!
Yeah.
You know, they're just... They're a little scared of us. You know?
(ALL JEERING)
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yes, it is.
think that the quiet guy in the back seat was cute?
Let's get it.
- Good to meet you, man. - Good to meet you.
Hey, have you noticed everything around here's a competition, huh?
- Excuse me. Bye. - Yup. Bye.
Guys.
So, you were really good at baseball in high school?
So, all of y'all play on the baseball team?
Are you gonna ask me to dance, or are you just gonna stand there?
It's gonna be a strange year, man.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, dude.
What do you say?
It's my good luck helmet. You know what I'm talking about, Finn.
- No, F that and you. - No, Jake, Jake!
- All right. - Those your bags?
Yeah, I did, believe it or not.
Hands on the wheel and fondue my cheese
Welcome to the fucking party, Jake!
They gave us two houses. Man, we've got it made.
Today
All right. Jake Bradford
- You locked in? All right. - Yeah.
Get it on there, man.
ROPER: Okay, Finn, you're up.
ALL: Oh!
Hey, ladies, uh...
DALE: Get ready, boys, your college careers are about to begin.
- Yes, sir. - (LAUGHS)
filled with Greek gods who care.
- Whoa, fuck! - That's for you, babe!
Look, she's just taking your little chicken-fried nuts
that wasn't quite good enough to play pro ball,
(CHUCKLES) At least take the sunglasses off, man.
You know, at someone's house out of town.
"What's he like? What's he do?"
That's what he implied.
from these stupid little competitions.
- They made all that up, too. - PLUM: Yeah?
(ALL LAUGHING)
And if you're not serious about that, you might as well go home.
"Go fly a kite!"
It's a major you can actually practice before graduating.
Jake's got a big party tonight.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
I don't know, man. Finn's got that Leeann chick in there.
Here.
Now, I'm Nesbit No shame with no game
What miserable updraft wafts you three hither?
Plus, I think Mr. Finnegan set up a room downstairs for that.
Big difference.
you have to walk out on the tundra,
Show us your PITTS!!
I do.
We're just gonna do a quick wardrobe change,
Yeah. Yeah, you is a team player, ain't you?
especially when we're freshman friends.
Yeah, but a good year.
Anybody who fucks with me, they don't get fucked with back!
(MOCKING FINN)
Good job, baby! Good job!
JAKE: Yeah?
NEZ: I've never been able to do it.
You know who drinks a screwdriver?
Oh, okay, don't mind me.
MAC: He's fine. He's just fucking weird.
I'm just trying to fit in
Hey, look, you gotta start the semester with 12 hours, all right?
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
not because they get shot, but because they get overrun.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Really? No fucking way!
if you ever make it there.