Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

DALE: Damn. Hey.

is to mentally toughen the fuck up.

you know, moving into the dorms on campus?

I hate all this Cotton-Eyed Joe,

(BOTH LAUGHING)

She's cool, you know?

JAY: You know what, man? I only know 150%, all right?

Master of disguise.

They're great. Devo and The Cars,

Ladies! How was your summer?

Man, guys, she says she might be pregnant.

- The leg stuff. - How does that happen?

- The one on the right. - The tall one?

Hey, shake something, don't break something.

No, no, not until Coma gets in here.

You'll always be the champ, Nesie.

Nice fucking life you got here, Joe College.

Yeah, man, I must've wasted, like, $200 in quarters

People might think you're method, I don't know.

really succeed, the only choice you have

Investigative Journalism is not an official major here,

I think you've had enough, raw dog.

- (GIRL SQUEALS) - (ALL GROANING)

Hey, it's part of the scholarship.

Alcoholic beverage in there. I'll be danged.

PLUM: Damn you, Jake!

- ROPER: That ass is golden. - Absolutely, say no more.

- FINN: Beautifully played. - Oh!

Look, man, I got a little lady downstairs

- Uh, no. - Good.

Fuck losing the playoffs. We're taking it all this year.

who just kind of spouts out all his stats

Our home and native land!

NEZ: I'll take one.

PLUM: What's up, Mac?

with something to focus on, you know,

PLUM: A fucking cat.

FINN: Jeez, ball hit the mitt before you ever even swung.

Oh, you know, it's kind of a dress-up party tonight.

Freshman superstars.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - English.

Dude! No cover and free beer.

- And I was like... (GRUNTS) - "What is he doing?"

just getting reamed by these little fuckers.

in the bathroom stalls,

Yeah, that's it, man.

Whoa. Hey. The bitch stick?

- I wound easily. - (SNICKERING)

up a mountain over and over and over again,

My name is Willoughby I know the master plan

So won't you come with me and please be my friend?

All of our true assholish nature is emerging.

the giant waterbed-shaped iceberg right in their path.

You wanna know why?

if you want, you can spend as much time

Anyway, you guys all pass?

JAKE: Hey, I'll see you later, man.

You can't win. Once they get up on you, you're fucked.

who maybe wants to come up here

"Well, that's what I told Mrs. Franklin. She told me to go fly a kite!"

Hey, wait. Hey, no.

- It's growing. - FINN: Was that hair?

You don't get it!

You know, man, but my girlfriend, she lives out of town, right?

That ain't close to touching 90, son. Who you fooling?

Finn's got his dick in the door.

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

JAKE: Was that a big deal for you, transferring in senior year?

I took special care. I didn't say that word, okay?

Thanks. (GRUNTS)

- I don't know. - Yeah.

- What the hell is this? - Please.

ROPER: All of you.

We suck so fucking hard.

So, my obnoxious teammates actually helped me on this one?

to take batting practice off Jay Niles

I feel like the Astros are gonna make it to the world series

Hit it, bitch, I'm 95 strong

- Detroit? - What? What?

What's up, man? Jake Bradford.

Yeah, it's a mustache. That's a mustache.

ROPER: And what was I supposed to do, huh?

- Hey there. - What's up?

Yeah, man, 95-mile-an-hour fastball.

Think before you do something stupid, please.

You look like a Bible salesman.

DALE: Hey, look,

Okay. Let's go!

You know, just look for two beautiful houses

I didn't get beat up or anything.

Let's break that school record right fucking now.

Coming at you! Coming at you!

you have to drive to Caribou River Park Reserve

Don't fuck it up, man. Let's go.

Like, what would it be like to go through life

I feel like The astros will win the world series

but we'd like to invite you to a baseball party with...

And from Detroit, Jay Niles.

Dr. Finnegan, so epicurean Indulge in the BMOC

it's just not happening.

Don't bring your ass around here!

- GIRL: Oh, my God. - Oh! Hey! (LAUGHS)

Uh... No, I'm scared now, but, yeah...

A good bet would be, I don't know,

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

That's not gonna cut it.

(SINGING) I'm Rope a Dope A proud Cherokee

Having the guts to look fucking stupid.

I feel like the Tigers are going to make the playoffs next year

- No, no, no. - Double or nothing.

That's what I'm talking about, man!

I'd appreciate that, all right?

BEVERLY: Bachelor number two!

'Cause they know that I'm the best

Go show her them albums.

Oh, man, that's funny.

Not all the time.

Who the hell are you?

JAKE: You're looking at it, Plum.

What the Charlie Pride are you talking about?

- A real drink! (LAUGHS) - Yeah! Yeah, do that!

- You talkin' to me? - No, can't you see?

- Look at you, ping-pong pimp. - Yeah!

See all that fun, all that laughing?

On the field, you know. Up here, benchwarmer.

It's like having sex with a girl

Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

You know how strong you'd have to be to do that?

trying to shore up our pitching staff.

PLUM: That was not good.

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