Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

FINN: How's that for incentive?

JAKE: All right, bro.

All his shit's gone, man.

Sound Machine, all right.

I'll fucking go home.

All right, that's a fucking stare down!

- You have. - (CHUCKLES)

All right then.

Hey, ladies! Happy hour is upon us at the Fox.

They just got me five minutes ago.

or are you talking about marriage?

Oh, cool. And you're a freshman?

JAKE: It's a thumb on your fucking chest, Nesbit.

ALL: (CHANTING SOFTLY) Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek.

You know, I'll still have a few hours

"How's your ballplayer doing?"

You cha-chao before you even know it

Dude, did you guys hear?

and check out my album collection, you know?

How's that sound?

So you wrote about Aphrodite and being a baseball slut.

I think it's a little bit of both.

Are you insecure about the duck feet?

BOUNCER: Let's go! Come on!

(JAKE LAUGHING)

Ah, we noticed that you never made it home last night.

And don't forget, he does have

- Just warming up. - Mmm-hmm.

I'm just... I'm curious. Maybe you study

(BOTH CHEERING)

That's gonna be erupting like Mount St. Helens

- Like the one in Fame? - Kind of.

We just having good times, baby

I'm gonna go upstairs real quick. I'll be right back.

it's about the way the ingredients make you feel.

- I hear Val is fun. Go for it! - All right, cool.

Yes. As soon as you tell me.

- Let's go. Let's go. - I'm not gonna do anything.

to get this over with right here, right now.

What matters is just getting in that groove

it semi-paralyzes the whole torso.

(STRAINING) I can't. Fucking I can't.

- What the fuck? - JAY: Let's go!

Did you give her two solid inches, Beuter?

Yeah, Season 2, Episode 5, if I'm not mistaken.

Hey, girls, how you doing? I'm Roper.

DALE: God damn it, Plummer!

JUSTIN: This is my old high school buddy, Jake.

And now, I can officially welcome you to Oz.

Give me a fucking break. Finn. Finn. Finn.

knowing there's no way you'd ever play pro ball?

Waking up on Saturday like

Almost every single episode.

if I gotta face you down the line in pro ball,

The Druids fucking knew it.

Maybe one of the best days of my life here, Nez.

- I'm up. - Yeah.

because that's what they want you to believe.

FINN: Ah, you mean when a girl asks? That's easy.

Aren't most athletes kind of...

We can stop now. We can call it five bucks.

Tomorrow, same time, all right?

Astrology? Mr. Cause-and- Effect Rationalist? (LAUGHS)

Get out of my shot.

PLUM: This guy? JAKE: Yeah.

JAY: Well, I'm a fucking raw dog, all right?

...or I'm doing anything particularly "respectable,"

Okay, fucking no cover, free beer! We can't afford not to go!

Hey, man. Nice to meet you.

below the chest bone in the solar plexus,

Yeah, you need this. Yeah.

- Fuck off with that shit, boy. - (LAUGHS)

PLUM: You got some moves. Alison, right?

Who’s this fuck

Uh, we've got our party tonight.

Hey, you return that with one scratch on it, Nez...

- Michelle, Val, this is Jake. - (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

It's this physiological phenomenon.

- Yeah! - So she gets surgery,

Give me the room alone for a bit.

Single-minded, and...

It's all coming around.

Wait, wait, wait.

JAKE: I mean, they say it's called "O Canada,"

- Hey, Bradford. - Yeah.

Man, your life's gonna fucking suck.

Could've gone to anywhere in Texas.

ROPER: (LAUGHS) Holy shit!

See, he tells girls that he has an average cock,

They're talking about his dick, man!

Oh, yeah. We're taking it this year, fellas.

What, Disco Boy now wearing a cowboy hat and boots and shit?

DALE: Until we get out on the field, Jakie.

You know, can you find a way to overcome all obstacles

- (COUGHS) - Oh, yes. I mean, look,

They'd been investigating it for a while,

I'm actually studying to be a cunnilinguist.

That is so sexy.

- Um, hello. - QUEEN: Oh, hello.

- (MUSIC CONTINUES) - (LAUGHING)

I'm like, fuck it!

Hey, Finn, did you mention hung?

- First time wearing cologne? - No.

Maybe that, too.

- Cool. - Okay.

PLUM: You know how well you'd have to see the ball

and just talks about what a pro prospect he is.

Can I borrow you for something really quickly?

Hi. It's the quote-unquote "auburn-haired girl in 307."

No, I have routines.

but I feel like it's important to give back, you know?

Yeah, yeah. The Blue Jays almost picked me up,

COMA: Go get some glasses, Brumley.

Well, now you just plain hurt our feelings.

Gotta get some meat on that boy's bones.

Now, we're actually around a few potentially interesting young women,

(INHALES DEEPLY)

You don't really mean that.

You know what they call me?

for the Freshman Numb-Nut of the Year award, right, guys?

Fuck that shit.

I think I got a tear in my eye, Jakie.

I'll go back in late summer, graduate, do that thing.

All right, boys, let's go!

- Strike! - BRUM: Come on, Plum.

- How's it going, man? - Hey. Two-dollar cover.

- (EXCLAIMS) - (EXHALES)

(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

COMA: Yeah, I think that, too.

...those two things together?

Only been at college an hour

Yeah. Yeah. Hi.

and you got your albums.

You know, not only are you not the best guy on the team,

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

I'm gonna come back there, and I'll fucking make you my bitch, man!

Willoughby isn't even his real name.

We're gonna need a couple more.

But it's the same thing that you're saying with the performing arts.

At his own peril,

- Oh, you gotta see this. - Yeah.

A probabilistic framework and projecting meaning

Just return my album, man.

Have you noticed, whenever we're around baseball,

if you ever wanna play this game again...

Are you the guy that says,

Okay, so should I come over like right now?

It's my first days of college