Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school.

Yeah. You know what else is in that locker room?

You don't return my calls. We never hang out.

- Congratulations. - Oh, thanks.

- I'm Lily. - I'm Mary. Nice to meet you.

Fifty-seven days! Ted, you are in a slump.

She lives in my building. She's smart. She's hot. She's totally cool.

I'm just exhausted from work.

...but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle.

Look, it's a chance to show her

- What? - That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done.

- Um, Sandy, do you want to get a cab? - Sure. Let's go.

Okay, seriously, what is going on with Ted, lately?

Mary the paralegal is awesome. And you know what else?

- Why not? - Because gross?

No, not really.

And second of all, you cannot do this. It's wrong on every level.

He was best known for his morning segment in "Today's Paper,"