Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Anyone ever starts shit with any of you, they have to deal with me.

Juan started playing piano. Right, buddy?

It'd be like I got cracking when I was 36. How about that?

she's gonna hate us more than she does now.

- It was the greatest thing I've ever heard. - I know.

or contacted her kids in over two years,

- These seats are saved. - Yeah, they're saved for me.

Juan, Lita, this is Sandy. This is Pete's mom.

She said... she can't do it.

Are we gonna turn her away because we're not special enough?

- She didn't mean that. - I did not mean that.

So this won't be child abuse. Pete!

♪ And you smell like one too ♪

I'm gonna be honest with you, all right?

You told me to give you a few weeks to settle in.

No, she's not lying.

And it's not their fault! And they're not damaged goods!

You look like a white woman This is a nice outfit ha

Yeah. This is what we do. We can knock that out in 20 minutes.

- Where's Lizzy? - Right there. See her?

- Okay. - Right this way, Dad.

Yeah, well... it's a little weird.

Then just give me 14 months to think about it. How 'bout that? Come on.

We'll be in the shop.

He just said you guys were never gonna have kids. Then you did a definite look.

but no matter what we do, Jake just wants to hang out in his room,

Okay, everybody, why don't we learn your names

These kids will test your will,

- We've got the pizza! - Juan, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, bud?

All right. Good night.

I know it's Christmastime and you may have memories and things.

We're talking about crack babies and kids who have been sexually harassed.

You're gonna get some funny looks.

- Bye, Lizzy. - Have a great day.

I want you guys to meet Pete and Ellie.

you: want pay now

He doesn't need a phone.

We wouldn't recommend this match if we didn't believe

And it looks like she's got a real shot.

Yeah, it's going pretty good.

Do you wanna put posters on the wall, paint it?

- Are you saying that we should let her parent the kids? - Are you paying attention?

Told you we'd make it. Stop it!

Time to erase these ideals right now.

What am I gonna look like?

Look at the way Lizzy's looking at her.

Wait, wait. So we would have... three children?

- You're not allowed to take my phone! - What's she doing?

Speaking of court, um,

Needs some work.

And they're moving from place to place, and they don't have anybody,

Yes! I'm a little afraid to say anything, but yes, that's basically how we feel.

A Christmas tree?

Yeah, thank you, guys.

- They're amazing. - Okay.

So, you two went out and found yourself a teenager after all, huh?

- Why are you doing this to me? - I'm sorry. No?

- He's 22. - Yeah, I'm 22. So what?

Yes, Your Honor.

Pretty soon I was 14.

You're right. You shouldn't be pushed into something you don't want to do.

It's nice to see Lita and Juan get presents

Karen, we've had plenty of fathers who have stepped up,

Now... Whoa, whoa! Don't waste it, all right? I want you to do me a favor.

The reason she's sitting away from others is because she has a family,

What exactly is a dick pic?

and remember...

- Good night, buddy. - Good night.

- You must be Pete and Ellie? - Yeah, I'm Pete. Hi.

- There you go. You like that? - Yeah, that was good.

- Okay, okay, okay! - I want a Barbie!

But why don't you calm down

Oh, no. Oh, God!

- Yeah. - All right. We'll set it up.

- Hey, I never had a problem with it. - I think it's smart.

- You can't hold it like that. - Hi, Mom.

- I got you, buddy. I got you. - Get in, get in, get in.

We're gonna call your mom, tell the principal, maybe even call the police.

And everybody feels sorry for us.

Oh, yeah, she's right there.

She's 15. She's a terrible parent. She needs to be a kid.

That's what we do. We renovate houses. Ellie did all the design work.

I know you don't like this,

Pipe down with that crap. We are not friggin' related.

She does really well in school. Come on back.

I think we should take Lita to the lobby.

How do you know my uterus is perfect? We've never even tried to have kids.

"If you don't show me something soon, I might lose interest."

- All right. - All right?

Jim, I say it's important to work out for somebody nice.

But I do love you both.

Really took me back to the good old days.

And you're not that old.

They made me deliver drugs for them.

- Okay, I love you. - I love you.

I'm sick of looking at that. To hell with it. I'm going over there.

Is that still the case?

Pretty much since the first night we met, right?

- Better, yeah? - Oh, wow. Yeah. Thank you.

Since Lizzy's mom has been keeping up with her reunification steps,

Thanks, you guys.

You got a T-shirt? You got a T-shirt?

All right. Just don't cry, okay?

you know you're not good enough and you are going to get fired.

Do you guys want to come in?

You're just another white lady who wants to adopt little charity orphans

I saw what you wrote to her: "If you don't show me something, I'm gonna lose interest."

I got you, um...

- Come on. - Let's go get the box.

- So now you think we're special enough? - Maybe we are.

and you're a dead man.

Does that mean Santa comes here?

You listen to me, crazy woman!

Sometimes the universe thinks it's funny if I drop $26,000 on in vitro first.

Friggin' related.

- Oh, yeah. - Hi. How you doing?

Hey. Hey, hey, buddy.

These are really, really good potatoes.

- How 'bout that? - How 'bout that?

Was it all the funnel cakes we ate?

When's the part we cough up 12 grand to fix the rotted-out foundation?