Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You'll never get out alive.

There's this function I'm hosting tomorrow night.

- What sort of act? - Messing up that Van Wilder party.

- Is Van here? - He don't wanna see you.

Van can handle quite a load

If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.

How I'm feeling today

Do Not smack DADDY over the head! I'll write that down...

Judges' ruling.

P.S. say lesssss.

A perfect match, connected forever.

They are getting bigger, aren't they?

- ID, please. - It's a terrible picture of me, but--

Please get me the Wilder piece. He's throwing a big party tonight.

Surely you have a career in mind.

- Vile. - Oh, it burns!

Wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story.

What? Come on. Hop in.

I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.

Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself.

Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board.

Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?

Oh, stop for a second. Stop.

Then your mom can come.

- My parents know about this? - Yeah, I told everyone.

- Take your clothes off. - I'm not taking off my clothes.

Well, I made it a point to personally come down here, Wilder.

I love this song.

You know, I've waited a long, long time for this day to come.

Jesus! Criminy!

- I have a few questions for you. - In time. This is gonna be fun.

where I might find the raddest fucking dude alive?

The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets...

very valuable skill I'd yet to tap--

BE ALL OVER THAT EMAIL MARKETING LIKE A FAT KID ON A CUPCAKE

But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives.

and the Chickadees will need a miracle to come back and score.

I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand.

I want to take it through the car wash, baby And get it waxed!

At the Hillel House, I broke bread.

Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job.

All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people.

You've been 18 units shy of graduating for the past 6 semesters.

She reads at a sophomore level..

This ball club is the heart of this institution.

Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent...

Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411 .

- A little pay-as-you-go? - Are you trying to seduce me?

Can't you postpone it? Gwen, first exam-- most crucial.

Fries their brain cells, man.

I look at you guys, and you know what I see?

This is Sick Boys Room. Not a week has gone by without some kind of ailment.

Now remember, before any final, take a pregame dump.

Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder...

Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?

into that weenie bikini...

Not that you had to.

Son of a bitch. Disappear!

Van Wilder's phone.

Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus.

back home while masturbating in my father's woodshed.

Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here.

Like you. Granny panties, I bet.

Van Wilder's phone. I do not foresee that to be a problem.

Don’t do it for me

- Let's get you some skates. - I'm not here to skate.

- Why? - I like it here.

I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing.

Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern.

The Internet, dude.

You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.

If you do not see potential in yourself, then you are a blind man.

We got a jumper!

Hutch, take over.

He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told.

Northwestern. I am the shit.

The guy's a joke. He tries to turn every interview into a date.

Can I help you, son?

This off-season sucks rectum, Jeannie. - Okay.

Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?

That's the shit.

- I love you, man. - No, man.

Why is my story such a big deal to you?