It's an old Irish tradition.

At 17 years old, I beat up a guy.

Well, there is a problem - it's a year old.

You can see an old lady wearing a flag thong and go, Grandma, don't tell me where Old Glory is!

Well, it's not like it's a relic. It's a year old.

I'll remember this, ladies and gentlemen. It's an old phrase,

Do you realize that 40% of American high-school graduates think that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife?

Look at this old C-SPAN. Congress is in session and no one's there.

Listen, if there's an 85-year-old lady in a walker and she's a terrorist,

The old bastard's right. Look at that. You gotta be different to make an impression.

The next thing you know, they're patting down an 85-year-old lady in a walker.

But even in the face of tyranny there is comedy. Two old Jews were sent to kill Hitler.

I wrote down some lines for you. They're fantastic, if I must say so. I even threw in an old Hitler joke.

Please. I've played in clubs for years.

- Anyway, happy birthday again. - Again? Did another year just pass?

It's hard to believe it's a year since we've gathered together,

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(woman) Stand by, lights, for cue one.

(man) Welcome to The Tom Dobbs Show. Please have your tickets ready for the ushers.

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