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Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

5s

That two-faced, wife-poaching, soccer-coaching, rat-bastard!

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

1.6s

Alan, it's no big deal.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.3s

...two-Mississippi.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

5.2s

- So, you ready for your big makeover? - You know what? Actually, I am.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

1.5s

And a large cherry slurpy.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2s

and I had a uniform.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

6.3s

- and date them two, three at a time. - Yeah, right. I mean, yeah, right.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

5.4s

He's an amazing boy. We're very close, two peas in a pod.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

4s

It means, how many eighth-graders carry a briefcase and a pocket watch?

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

3.6s

Great. I will have a rum and Diet Coke.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

4.5s

and she stood up and said, "Life was too short. "

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

1.9s

and I appreciate it.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.5s

he's a sponge?

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

3s

You bought a sport jacket, not a magic lamp.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.3s

Of course, he's a squid and he hates Sponge Bob,

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.1s

A bit of a bumper sticker, but sure, why not?

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

1.3s

and he plays the clarinet.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

1.6s

It's a public service

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.5s

Payback's a bitch, buddy.

Two and a Half Men (2003) - S01E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

2.7s

Then you hold the seats while I go to the men's room,