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Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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WOODY HARRELSON: Now, I know that I am no better

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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than any of my fellow nominees

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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or any other human in this room or on this planet.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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I also believe that interspecies equality is paramount.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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(APPLAUSE)

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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WOODY: And yet we go into nature and we pillage and we ransack.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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We use machines to impregnate the innocent dairy cow.

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Then callously snatch away her baby

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as she cries out...

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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- Why do they do this? -...in despair.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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Even Woody Harrelson makes speeches like this.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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- It's just an Oscar. It's not the Nobel Peace Prize, right? - Yeah.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - S11E04 The Watermelon

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You know what my speech would be if I win an Oscar?

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- What? What? -"I wanna thank the Academy

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and don't allow babies on planes, goodnight."

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- They'd love that speech. - I know.

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- You'd be a hero. -Then we take

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the life milk meant for her calf,

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and we use it for cream in our lattes.