Love, Ben Franklin.

I love you.

Oh, for the love of my officers, please believe her!

Sometimes the sight of overwrought, weeping, crying loved ones can be quite effective.

I mean, people that have fallen on hard times deserve our love and our compassion.

This might be a good time for me to debut my little love song that I wrote.

Remember what our 14th president, Ben Franklin, said?

Early to bed, early to rise.

Oh, something, something, something, something that rhymes with the kite.

Get out!

You kidder.

No, it's time for me to perform that most wondrous of morning tasks, the opening of the morning mail.

Look, kid, I got sort of faced last night.

So have a little compassion, or I'll send your lips down your throat in a clump.

You got faced.

Come on.

oh damn no this is all wrong oh my hat of the month selection i specifically requested the alternate this month the charming yet provincial peruvian gaucho hat this is the eighth derby i've gotten in a row well try as you might they just won't let you quit

Oh, hey, here's something from the state penitentiary.

My old friend, Irma Jane Cooley.

It's always nice to hear from one's female prison pen pal, don't you agree?