It's really amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter-inch piece of plastic.

the door of the dishwasher...

I thought of all the saddest things I could think of.

- It's Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance. - Okay.

Honey, I asked you to get the metal wheel out of the hamster cage.

in the middle of nowhere to find, like, crack whores huffing turpentine...

I'm not puttin' a period at the end of this, you know?

It's just, you know, we've had so many of them over the years.

She was so ahead of her time. She could have gone to the Olympics.

he was one of those kids with, like, the flies all over his face.

Oh, nothing. Just hangin' out on an old boat at the bottom of a quarry in Newark.

I feel like if I had showed up at school and presented the idea of silent Velcro...