- What? You gonna coach what? - Take it easy, will you?

What the hell do you know about soccer?

Nothing, it just happened. I was kissing the boss' ass,

his wife came in, I started kissing her ass.

The next thing you know, they made me coach of the soccer team.

- Well, did you get the promotion? - I'll get the promotion.

All we have to do is bring home a championship team!

"We?" What you talking about "we?"

I told the Mullens you'll be my assistant coach.

That's great. Goodbye, job. Hello, welfare.

What could be so hard? They were champs last year,

champs the year before. I can't miss. It's a piece of cake!

Well, I'll tell you one thing, you look like a coach.

- You know anything else about soccer? - Not much.

All I know is, I got a lot of balls.

Well, I got a book on soccer.

It says in here, there are 11 positions.

You got to be careful when you read a book about positions.

I read a book once, 100 Ways to Make Love.

I ended up in traction. It was a misprint.