You've got two minutes, Tom.

Two years for me.

- ...singing songs you wrote 10 years ago. - Okay, lady.

Tom, can't you do just two jokes of mine?

I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.

It's a Tom Dobbs. Is that the Tom Dobbs, President-Elect Dobbs?

Listen, if there's an 85-year-old lady in a walker and she's a terrorist,

This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 1 5-year-old girl.

I'll remember this, ladies and gentlemen. It's an old phrase,

You can see an old lady wearing a flag thong and go, Grandma, don't tell me where Old Glory is!

- Made you a star. - (Tom) Mm-hm.

The next thing you know, they're patting down an 85-year-old lady in a walker.

Well, there is a problem - it's a year old.

Tom, could I talk to you for a minute?

It's so awful. And besides David, they have a two-year old.

Educated to the level of a 15-year-old.

Tom, t-t-two guys broke into my hotel room. I don't know what to do.

(Tom) I've read a lot of Op-Ed pieces recently saying that Tom Dobbs doesn't talk about the issues.

maybe my old friend Susan would wanna have lunch with me.

At 17 years old, I beat up a guy.