"Something was pouring from his mouth. He examined his sleeve.

"Blood? Blood. Crimson, copper-smelling blood. His blood.

"Blood... blood.

"Blood...

"and bits of sick."

Greetings, traveller. I'm Garth Marenghi, horror writer.

Most of you will know me from my extensive canon of chillers

including Afterbirth in which a mutated placenta attacks Bristol.

Back in the 1980s, I wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.

A TV programme so radical, so risky, so dangerous, so goddamned crazy,

that the powers that be became too scared to show it, and gipped me

much in the way women have done ever since they sniffed out my money.

Only now, in the worst artistic drought in broadcast history,

does the channel come crawling back, cap in hand,

asking if your humble fabulist could retrieve Darkplace from the boxes in his basement

and let it loose on its unsuspecting public. That's you.

Naturellement, I relented, and spent three hours of my life

knocking together interviews with key players in this historic programme,

namely myself and my publisher Dean Learner.

So finally, here is Darkplace, for the first time on British TV - it had a brief run in Peru -