Interesting turn of events, huh?

Chris, unfortunately you can't die from a tonsillectomy.

one big episode of Friends?

I landed on one of those discarded beds from the classic TV series Love American style.

of a terrible, terrible disease.

Putting a wasp nest on your head is fun, but everybody knows that's much more of a summer event.

More full of pity than usual.

I just love all those episodes of Beretta where he gave the driver's test.

I guess tomorrow I've got to start practicing talking out of other parts of my body.

It's my precious necklace of cow teeth.

He's just coming out of the anesthesia.

Of course you can't talk, you idiot.

Isolated from the rest of the world like a free-floating blob of cellulite cast adrift in a sea of cotton candy soaked in dog saliva.

It kind of feels like there's a litter of kittens in there trying to claw their way out.

Oh, good, because this is one of the few times I'm actually prepared for one of your little visits, Chris.

I'd say you have a 99.999% chance of survival.

This is like an episode of The Twilight Zone and Mama's Family all rolled into one.

But I'm already going through the seven stages of death.

Unless, of course, I die with a face like this.

It's like experiencing all the wonderful sensations of life anew.