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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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of other people,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Son of a...

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Of course it is.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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of my dear friend...

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Of course there is, Xan.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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of that youthful glow left.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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out of a Florida Marlins cap.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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And phones have maps of Ohio,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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It was probably dumb of me

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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or one of those off-brand Kennedys.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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People love hearing terrible details of news tragedies.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Your father was elected chair of Tribal Council.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Is it weird that all of his wives

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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She made a pet cat out of dryer lint

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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I know you don't approve of what I'm doing,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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and I knew both of those things before now.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Speaking of which, I think that Kim Jong Jr.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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What was the batting order of the 1938 Yankees?

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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Here, you can take one of my old cell phones.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E03 Kimmy Goes on a Date!

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All of my cats are piling up in one corner.