You must give up yourself to the great red ape.

But the elves came from the red planet, and there was much defecation.

And Christmas was celebrated at each full moon in front of the great red ape.

But, uh, I'm not gonna get humped by a giant red gorilla in space, okay?

Look, at first I thought this was that stuff that turns red when you pee in it, because I had to pee here a number of times.

A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology for Evermore Sancionados.