Something isn't on the up and up.

You have to have a college education and special training with the FDA.

And sir, I don't have any back pants pockets, which means my eyes would fall on the floor, and that would be a nightmare, because the floor is filthy!

The cold stares of dogs and other animals that think they're better than me.

The sun is by far the hottest planet in the solar system, and it would burn you if you tried to eat it.

And if I don't not not don't testify, then I might get so confused that my head'll pop off and fly around the room making rude noises until all the air was out of it.

You have violated every single code in the book, and I don't even know what they are.

The classic white lab coat as a splash guard, and then the goggles in case we run into any of those creatures from Aliens.

Boy, do you know that this is more exciting than the time I looked in the mirror and realized my rear had stopped growing?

You know, I got friends in the circus who eat rats, and they'll probably live longer than either of us.

Before we begin, I'll have to be granted total immunity from all my past evil deeds and have your absolute guarantee that I can live in luxury and protection for the rest of my life or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Some careless pizza tossing bastard didn't realize that his sock must have flown off and landed right in the middle of our pizza pie.

You know, sometimes when the light hits one of those Conair hair dryers just right, they look like a snub-nosed 37 with pearl handle and mahogany trim.