Ants in the Pants? Ants in the...?

Ants in the Pants?!

an ethnic-looking child was spotted flying

That should make for an interesting column.

Well sure Vietnam was fun, but not like going to the circus fun, or fly fishin' in Montana fun.

I knew an addict when I saw one.

...that you have an acute case of fecalphilia.

It isn't fair. I don't wanna be an outcast.

She was an interior designer who only dated A-list guys.

It's fabulous. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted.

Doesn't she look exactly like Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember?

You know something, pal? You smell an awful lot like flowers.

Sometimes we feel like an outsider. We create friends in our minds, m'kay?

I'm an alcoholic.

as an asshole.

You're an eye doctor.

There's an entire business...

...to an unseen band.

...having an engagement brunch.

You're an hour early.