Give me a terrible start, Eddie.

Sent me a snapshot from Turnersville.

And me, bring it in the house.

And he's a good looker, too.

Well, let me explain and apologize for the mistaken impression.

Jethro drove me up to five big department stores out here, and not one of them had a newt skin.

Taught me how to shoot with a rifle when I was just a little fella.

Jethro, you go on upstairs and take a bath and put on some clean underwear and get over and see him.

Hey, Ma, you want me to catch him and tote him back?

Well, would you like to tell me all about yourself and why you're here?

Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed.

And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up through the ground come a bubbling crude.

Hey, Marie the maid told me about a doctor she's been going to for seven years.

When my cousin Pearl tells me she had no more than said howdy, and you commence pulling her to the settee, my doggies, that's dropping a rusty bucket down my well.

Now, Jethro, during your few waking moments, you have managed to tell me that your mother's a widow.

Well, he showed me one of his books, and Uncle Jed, it's the biggest mess of ink blots you ever saw.

Excuse me, Granny, I was... I reckon a quarry critter like this ought to be outside instead of in the house scaring folks.

But Mr. Clampett, I... I take into account that this is a big city, and your ways are probably different than ours.