Have it your way, then.

I read about it in Hogwarts: A History.

Fred gave me a spell as to turn him yellow. Want to see?

...gives a student the right to walk about the school at night.

And I have a few last-minute points to award.

There was a time detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons.

Welcome to Gryffindor.

Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat arse.

A sorry lot, this, Hagrid.

A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons.

Red hair and a hand-me-down robe? You must be a Weasley.

Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts.

...prefects will lead their house back to the dormitories.

I mean, how many people wander around with dragon eggs in their pockets?

...and those too weak to seek it.

To Miss Hermione Granger, for the cool use of intellect...

You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort.

- Norbert? - Yeah, well, he's gotta have a name, don't he?

She's a nightmare, honestly! No wonder she hasn't got any friends.

No. I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find.