Third year, he fought off about a hundred Dementors at once.

And that's not all that's new this year.

Seeker? But first years never make their house teams.

I read about it in Hogwarts: A History.

Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat arse.

At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup.

But in the end, only one will go down in history.

There was a time detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons.

It's mad in here. Let's go outside.

We need a teacher.

Bloody bird's a menace.

I must say, when I took the job, there was nothing in the description...

A sorry lot, this, Hagrid.

A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons.

Unless it wasn't a student.

Red hair and a hand-me-down robe? You must be a Weasley.

Completely demented, of course, and terrifying to be in the same room with...

...gives a student the right to walk about the school at night.

Look, everyone. Weasley's got himself a Howler.

I mean, how many people wander around with dragon eggs in their pockets?