Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'm telling you, Ted,

I got some big news to tell ya.

It's so stupid. Here, try it.

Yeah, exactly! And I'm not going out and buying designer shit!

Oh, he's not my boyfriend.

You don't know me and Johnny are watching you

smoked pot for two whole days, right?

I'm supposed to date some pale, blotchy guy

Why is he being treated differently than everybody else?

I acted like an asshole.

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I replace the cakes.

but I'm gonna have to let you go.

Aah! Hold Still!

Judy Blume? Hitler?

You fucking crazy? We don't want

Yeah, I say do it!

They're moving in herds.

Oh, my Godl Are you fucking kidding mer

And America Doesn't give a sh*t about anything

I mean, maybe more like a hammer or an orange, but yeah.

Who is Clubber Lang?

(WHISPERS) All right. Go ahead.

Oh, my God! You hear that, Johnny? (LAUGHS)

All right, let's do this.

information on our Comic Con placement.

It's just this is a really important case.

You guys wanna celebrate with a little something else, hmm?

Agnes, your uncle wilI see you now.

$250 and we didn't learn a goddamn thing.

Hey, what the hell you doing walking around dressed like Star Wars?

Oh, come on! He does not! He's a toy.

and I'm afraid this isn't gonna work out.

He could be anywhere. We're not gonna find him.

Yeah. Yeah, I did. I got an A on it.

but just stuff it under the seat for now.

You'd really be helping me and Tami out.

Aaah! Get it out!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And if that is not big enough news,

You're right, it's fine. It's totally fine.

U n h! Eww! Unh! Eww!

we could manufacture millions of Teds for every child in the world.

No, not really, but listen, I’m Hungpond Lingatery, the first is race car, I’m being help her it’s gets my wild, I need you call my team to take a rescue me,

Yeah, that had a sad ending though, you remember?

A-ha. They "got him."

Look, Teddy, you were upset, and I shouldn't have brushed it off. I'm so sorry.

(SOBBING) I'm having a really hard time here, guys.

Because they got that little baby keeping them together.

Are those tacos Just to take?

Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack.

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I am gonna come up there and I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!

How the hell did it fall?

Tami-Lynn and I are gonna have a baby!

(LAUGHS) She's totally begging. Get it. Get in there.

JOHN: You know what's fucked up? Dude, that's somebody's fucking daughter!

Come on, there's an empty supply room downstairs.

Right. You see, the thing is, we don't want to take any chances

No, no, it's my fault. I... I, uh...

I don't want to waste too much of your time.

One day I woke up and I just realized I wasn't myself anymore.

that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales

it may leave you quite vulnerable.

Okay, I'm going to bring these back to my apartment.

Johnny? John, come on, stay with me, pal.

Panthers n Bucs Became Friends!

"What we're doing is wrong."

TED: Okay. Go, go, go!

Suddenly, being human doesn't seem so special anymore, does it?

that I just... You know, I didn't want to put you in an awkward position.

Well, you're a celebrity.

Yeah, I wanna fucking throw shit!

Hey, Sam, you want in on this?

Have some Cookie Crisp. You need something nutritional.

Well, yeah, that's the thing. We... We, uh... We got to find a sperm donor.

Yes, but she isn't conscious or sentient. He is. Mmm-hmm.

Trish: 300 black ops!!! Bob: It’s 300 black out

I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me.

I got to feed with a pitchfork when he's 16.

Oh, this is such a relief!

Ms. Jackson, please control your client

John, what's going on?

Can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right

Hey, you go pull a bad back, bitch!

We're all in agreement that Ted is self-aware.

Oh, man, that's why we lost the case.

Bottom line is, insemination is not possible.

No But Maybe sonething inside the box well Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!

I'm a fucking pro!

This is perfect. We're gonna get to the city before 10:00.

Well, I have to interrupt you or else

That's fucking great! Just like Sam L. Jackson!

My turn, assholes!

Ted and Tami-Lynn were married once again,

I was such a big fan of yours in the early '90s.

(STUTTERS) What? What's wrong?

You're really smart, you know that?

When they finally move the mini hoe so I can weld

Oh, there's one!

Uh, not to my knowledge, no.

Uh, all of our holdings are tied up in the railroads.

Oh, it's nothing. That's his way of saying I should ask you out.

will you marry me?

and you get the best lawyer in the world on the defense.

Oh, my gosh! TED: I don't believe it! (CLEARS THROAT)

You wanna see it? Huh? You wanna see your kid?

I'm not gonna make that same mistake again.

I would do at this moment

P\Ull-i f_i-.o- fucl< baok t0 Russia, you whoro-!

It was very sad. Very sad for the family.

I am not an animal!

I saw you eating lunch alone! You're a loser!

Sorry, sorry. The homos, the homos.

You piece of shit.

Let's go get shit-faced!

Would that positive effect be your joint arrest

Remember, you're on your own out there.

I like balls. Girl balls.

And if I may inquire,

But we're going to the right place.