Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'm not a person?

TED: Oh, you don't think this diaper's gross? JOHN: No.

(SINGING) Mean ol' moon

on tuesday nights we get fucked up and throw apples at joggers

And I swear to God, if we lose,

Yeah, why don't you come up here

And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,

Oh, my God. John! Johnny!

(80s POP SONG PLAYING)

I really love that Neil Diamond.

(BREATHING SHAKILY) Kunta. Kunta Kinte.

Hey, you shut the fuck up!

Why the hell would it be "Fuck"?

Trish: 300 black ops Bob: It’s actually black out

But if we suddenly decide to share that gift,

No it’s gotta be the Catholic thing

He did it! Yay!

I mean, how the hell do you take

Um, my uncle says that you guys are my first clients.

The monitor says he's in asystole. He's not breathing, no pulse.

Your Honor? I'll allow it.

That's cute when you're a stuffed animal.

No, I think he'd be flattered!

last summer called "Here Comes Autism."

Wait, wait, wait. How... How... How do you guys...

No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

That was really selfish of him.

Yeah, we really feel like you got a lot to offer.

Then why are you calling it a "he"?

Hey, Doc, it worked out hilarious. Thanks.

(TEDAS NIURZGA)

they'd just be two sad-ass white niggas

I have a boyfriend

Mr. Meighan. What the hell?

The state official I spoke to said

I got no job, no marriage and no life!

Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off...

Hey, if you guys want to bang,

You do it to yourself. Yeah, but that's different.

He said he'll meet with us on Friday at 9:00 a.m.

Why am I nervous? Um...

No, it doesn't. It's just friction.

JOHN: Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.

I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something?

block.note_block.imitate.ender_dragon

cuando ves la compu de tu amigo Nooo mames

Hi, I'm calling for Patrick Meighan. This is Samantha Jackson.

it'll teach us how to love each other again.

Objection! Sustained!

You know? I always wanted my ex-wife

No, forget it, buddy.

Oh, God, yeah. It was a frigging disaster.

(CAMERA CLICKING) TED: Hashtag "Shit happens."

All right. Now, let's get rid of this.

that his teddy bear would come to life.

JOHN: Nobody said "Starbucks."

Well, I have gone through your application

It's the least I can do with all you're doing for us. Really.

But I think you'll be impressed with my client.

Oh, we're gonna smoke it, all right,

You are meddling with powers you do not understand.

ron desantis on his way to the white house

Ted, in the eyes of the state, you are not a person.

Crikey! All the animals have gone mad!

No can do, my brother.

To shine upon me as I come undone

https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?p=328365#p328365

(5161-15) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute.

Come on, one drink and I promise I won't tell anybody

No. Not at all.

I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

I won second prize in a beauty contest. That's $50 right there.

She gets... You get it.

Who the hell are you?

And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer,

You can't do that!

why did you not choose to have a child of your own?

I mean, Tami's the woman I love.

Oh, is it bad that they're taking this long?

and give Sam and Diane here some alone time, eh?

And is that enforced by lawr

Mr. Jessup, I'm not interested in money.

How about this? I'm gonna go check out the barn

and Brown v. the Board of Education.

(SOFTLY) Just calm down.

What are the fuck-me eyes?

I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.

We're gonna figure out what makes you real,

Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go!

What the fuck did you just call me fucker

Oh, well, that's a good friend. Yeah.

not to be a footnote on the wrong side of history.

Did you write your dissertation

Sam Jones would say if I asked him?

And, uh, why does Ted not possess a, uh, male appendage?

This court is trying to tell me

Johnny, wake up!

I Hate Kazar Death (Laughing) (Laughing)

You see them two white niggas over there?

With tears in your eyes

He's way more of a person than lots of other people.

Jesus, what happened here?

Hello? You're dicks.

"your marriage to Tami-Lynn McCafferty is unrecognized by the state

(EXCLAIMS) (KISSES)

I put a frowny face on Facebook!

Ted, I've been reviewing your file.

I got to get some parts, for the billing.

This is where we perform our pre-implantation genetic diagnosis.

Listen, your case is not gonna be cheap.

TED: Oh, God! Ahhh!

Hey, it's okay. One foot in front of the other.

Yeah! I'm fine.

Now, what exactly do you want from this?

And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,

Johnny, wake up!

...that is gonna be... Fresh cakes.

is even close to Flash Gordon's.

No, yeah, we want you. For sure, we want you.

And for what it's worth, as far as I'm concerned,

Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick.

Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the lnternet,

When I'm asking how they became a "fitness model"...

So I keep on knockin' wood

He's beautiful. Come on! I'll trade you. Catch.

Kidnapping only applies to people. And you, Ted, you're property.

See, the important thing about being human

BJs here! Get your BJs! Get your red-hot BJs!

Agnes, sweetie, look out!

I saw what you did on TV.

ChEEzbOrger: Fuck!

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a stroller

at the fact that I'm representing a teddy bear.

TED: Germanwings cockpit.

Teacher! Aah! Aah! Get It Out!