Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You're covered in rejected black-guy sperm.

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It's totally potent.

I defended Ted Clubber Lang in Ted v. Massachusetts.

so I want a full report on all...

Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse.

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

No. It's got to be "Fuck." It must be "Fuck."

Ms. Jackson? Mr. Meighan will see you now.

you call in every favor

to get stoned with me. She never would.

TED: Oh! Fuck me! TAMI-LYNN: What's the matter?

There's just no indication

Start compressions. Prepare to intubate.

Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.

I love my wife. Okay? My wife.

No, don't start this shit, all right?

When I saw this, I threw up. Almost quit medicine.

I have a college degree.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. "Property."

I just did a line with a dude in the men's room

There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that.

VINERIA: Shut the fucK up!

you're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Who's Superman? What?

Overruled! Sidebar?

"and, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled."

It's been some time, hasn't it?

Oh, newsflash! Wenda whore has seen Gray penis.

SAMANTHA: That was such a good dinner, Tami-Lynn.

You mean ol' moon

I am meddling with powers I can not possibly understand.

Yeah, I am capable. I love a lot of stuff. Yeah.

If we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?

Come on, let's get out of here!

Oh, shit! Fuck!

I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes.

Well, Johnny, this is the second time you've made me real.

See, I was trying to figure out

I'm sorry I turned you away.

It's just a way for the government

Your adoption request may have raised some red flags.

It's a crosswalk, jackass! We have the right of way! Yeah.

Yeah, that's great.

Mr. Bennett? John?

Comic Con fans,

By all a psychos on an it's rock.

we're once again blind to it as it's happening.

Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

So if I purchase these Trix, there'll be no trouble?

One minute, you in Africa, washing your clothes

Oh, it's my pleasure.

I know, I know, I know. And... And that's why...

Obychno on izvyestyen svoimi razglagol'stvovaniyami privyetstviyami i vidyeorolikami na tyemu «kto luchshye». On takzhye byl izvyestyen kak pyedofil i lgal o svoyem polye i myestoimyeniyakh.

Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help!

I hope your kids get bird flu!

Yeah, she's our enemy now.

I'm confident you'll make the right decision.

(WHISPERS) Yes, I do.

oh yes you can noooooooooooooo!

How am I supposed to explain that to everybody?

All right, great.

We need an ambulance at 655 West 34th.

With your beam you led the way

And I own four houses on Baltic Ave.

Take your goddamn teddy bear with you!

Me while p*rn : Hilarious

It doesn't matter what the world calls me. I know who I am.

We should just wait by the car.

No. This is insane.

What's the status?

I would first like to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the jury

Hey, fuck your Chrysler!

You sons of bitches! What the fuck is your... (GRUNTS)

Fish in my hair!

Johnny, meet your new godson,

You were my thunder buddy.

So in the pocket.

You were wrong to do that. Yeah.

All right, there, you happy?

TED: Oh! Oh, fuck!

You better not be messing with me.

But they patted us down on the way in here. Where'd you even hide it?

(SCOFFS) It's what this country does best.

Hey, Johnny. Johnny.

SHut tHe FucK uP, JeVIn!

He's a gourmet chef. So he knows how to toss a salad.

and I... I can't believe it's official.

You know why you lost this case?

a broken marriage and make it work again?

Does your dog deserve human rights?

and a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.

Why do you think I want your Cookie Crisp?

Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

So I talked him into going along with the bit.

Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably.

Well, you think that’s great, you just see the Rest of the Town. You know, I loved to see the Rest of the Town! So, you just open the gate, take this boot off, you mean to get the Kalute in check out the local sink.

block.note_block.basedrum

waiting for Downtown Abbey to come on.

and making them watch Tyler Perry.

Frink as tolanda ambassador

Your Honor? Mr. Bennett.

JOHN: Hey, what the fuck are you doingr Get off of mel

Is that the boxing movies?

You guys making trouble over here?

Okay? So, uh...

Hey, do you think I could take a picture with you?

Gotcha! Keep down! Spongebob!

Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?

Two League MVPs, four Super Bowl rings,

(TEMPO INCREASES)

Right on. You, too, man.

and I'll be back with $200.

I don't want to jinx it, but I think so.

Oh, look, I did a lot of blow in the '80s

(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Thank you, Your Honor.

Thirsty, Urkel?

You got your hand on your dick. What are you doing?

Okay, you ready? Oh, shit Yeah, yeah, yeah.

in the river, titties out. You good.

You son of a bitch!

No But Maybe sonething inside the box well Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!

Holy shit! Zombie! He's a fucking zombie!

for taking time out of their busy schedules

"the state of Massachusetts regrets to inform you

SAM: And do you, Ted,

Ir jei tai nėra pakankamai didelė naujiena,

You Just Got to Bang Her and Maybe Pee on Her a Little

So you're saying you are capable of feeling love.

And, uh, I won't be followed?

Rome Tokyo Madrid New York Berlin Paris London Brasilia

You are the fucking greatest, man. Holy shit!

But let's make one thing clear.

Why, you said it twice. Is that an actual phraser

I'm nervous that you're going to be swayed

Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone.

Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other,

You know, as much as I love this person, we're completely wrong for each other.

MEN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!