Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

That's not funny, Hayes. That's very...

"We are all half-dressed, pretending we can't be seen by the boys.

Oh, come on! No.

- Maya. - I need to know!

Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women that say "unfailingly repugnant."

she's mine, not yours.

- Yeah. - William Hayes?

- which is good news, right? - Could be.

- Gareth. - Hayes.

we became great friends.

- I called you. - I know.

As I recall from our first encounter, you're a man of principles and ideals, even.

I mean, how do you accidentally thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis.

- This is great. - Thanks.

Thank you. - Scotch, rocks, please.

Okay. All right, munchkin. Let's go!

"... infantilized by a youth-obsessed media..."

For the past two years, I have lied to the press about our relationship to protect him.

Wake up to a new America.

That's funny. In a minute, I'll have 40.

I'm gonna hold you back from all these...

Easy. Easy now.

"With love and hopes and dreams of second chances. Alice."

I'm a workaholic.

- Is that Emily? - Is that Emily?

And it was swell

- Wow. This is pretty good. - Will, this is really good.

because there's no way I can face going alone.

Everyone knows that the girlfriend

So the last time we saw William Hayes,

- 20 bucks. - I got 20 bucks.

How glad the many millions

I love long-haired brunettes with horn-rimmed glasses.

From... Don't tell me!

You think he did it, don't you?

I'm writing these really dumb items for New York Magazine.

I'm not. I just know that these bozos you're working for,

I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.

No, but you're off to a great start.

- I'd vote for him again. - In a heartbeat.

- This has been fun. Yeah. - Bye, toilet paper guy.

for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds?

You Don't Look Happy Or Excited About The Prospect Of Our Marriage!

She wants to be the girlfriend, except it's too late.

4.25? You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes?

Did you have another girlfriend before you met her?

My number is 212-664-7665.

I was gonna say, did I ever tell you about the day my dad proposed to my mom?

But I don't think I will. You see, I don't want a fling.

...I knew... - Put that back in your pocket.

But you had such persistence

Once upon a time,

there lived a young man named William Hayes.

Goes 'round the moon

Which idiot forgot to check the menus and the programs?

You're beautiful. You're sophisticated. You're a very talented writer.

Guess that's it for Emily.

And the staplers and those scissors?

and some of the facts, but I just decided that right now.

You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily.

- These? - Yeah, both of those.

And before I knew it, even though we were separated by entire worlds,

It was 1994, and New York was full of new life.

Take it easy, Maya. It's just a story.

I wrote three speeches for Congressman Sweeney.

You should dump him.

- that I want to be part of it anymore. - You were there

It's your birthday party. Everybody is waiting for you.

Yes, I understand your concern, but I think you should remember

That was the start of the Internet. And overnight, everyone in Manhattan

But I screwed it up.

Did you know that penguins mate for life?

- You wanna bet? - Sure.

Now he tells me to deny it.

- But I understand. I get it. - I actually think it's very sweet.

And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription, which I could care less about at the time

What's all that noise?

No. Until I was 16, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to sing on Broadway.

"One hundred million are wiped out instantly..."