Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Oh, come on! No.

- which is good news, right? - Could be.

That's not funny, Hayes. That's very...

It was 1994, and New York was full of new life.

You should dump him.

Easy. Easy now.

From... Don't tell me!

I'm not. I just know that these bozos you're working for,

Take it easy, Maya. It's just a story.

I'm gonna hold you back from all these...

As I recall from our first encounter, you're a man of principles and ideals, even.

You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

You're beautiful. You're sophisticated. You're a very talented writer.

I'm writing these really dumb items for New York Magazine.

"We are all half-dressed, pretending we can't be seen by the boys.

- These? - Yeah, both of those.

And it was swell

My number is 212-664-7665.

- 20 bucks. - I got 20 bucks.

What's all that noise?

- Maya. - I need to know!

I'm a workaholic.

Did you have another girlfriend before you met her?

- Is that Emily? - Is that Emily?

she's mine, not yours.

"... infantilized by a youth-obsessed media..."

You Don't Look Happy Or Excited About The Prospect Of Our Marriage!

Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women that say "unfailingly repugnant."

Okay. All right, munchkin. Let's go!

Wake up to a new America.

I was gonna say, did I ever tell you about the day my dad proposed to my mom?

That's funny. In a minute, I'll have 40.

- This is great. - Thanks.

No, but you're off to a great start.

4.25? You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes?

She wants to be the girlfriend, except it's too late.

You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily.

Yes, I understand your concern, but I think you should remember

Goes 'round the moon

And before I knew it, even though we were separated by entire worlds,

Once upon a time,

there lived a young man named William Hayes.

No. Until I was 16, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to sing on Broadway.

- that I want to be part of it anymore. - You were there

for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds?

For the past two years, I have lied to the press about our relationship to protect him.

- You wanna bet? - Sure.

So the last time we saw William Hayes,

- Yeah. - William Hayes?

I mean, how do you accidentally thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis.

I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.

Thank you. - Scotch, rocks, please.

That was the start of the Internet. And overnight, everyone in Manhattan

But I screwed it up.

- I called you. - I know.

Did you know that penguins mate for life?

Everyone knows that the girlfriend

- But I understand. I get it. - I actually think it's very sweet.

It's your birthday party. Everybody is waiting for you.

- Wow. This is pretty good. - Will, this is really good.

Now he tells me to deny it.

But I don't think I will. You see, I don't want a fling.

- This has been fun. Yeah. - Bye, toilet paper guy.

Which idiot forgot to check the menus and the programs?

I love long-haired brunettes with horn-rimmed glasses.

- I'd vote for him again. - In a heartbeat.

How glad the many millions

"With love and hopes and dreams of second chances. Alice."

...I knew... - Put that back in your pocket.

we became great friends.

And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription, which I could care less about at the time

because there's no way I can face going alone.

"One hundred million are wiped out instantly..."

I wrote three speeches for Congressman Sweeney.

and some of the facts, but I just decided that right now.

- Gareth. - Hayes.

But you had such persistence

And the staplers and those scissors?

Guess that's it for Emily.

You think he did it, don't you?