Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Fred, I feel ridiculous.
- I wouldn't know my way around reindeer-- - Hey, Fred.
You can't just run up and kick someone like that. How old are you?
- ...but I know it can't be good. - It sounds like he's in a tough spot.
Charlene. We still have plenty of time, don't we?
Whatever. It's gonna be fi-- We're gonna work it out.
Wanda, there's this unfortunate business situation I have to leave for tonight.
You're not gonna believe this.
If I tell you, it would no longer be a surprise.
...he became angry.
If you guys are gonna go out this year...
But I feel like my brother's Santa Claus because my brother really is Santa Claus.
Got you. Got you.
We were very close growing up. I mean, we shared bunk beds.
Uh...
Fred.
I'm bringing all my gifts to him. He needs them more than I.
He'd run and he'd fall flat on his face.
That's wonderful.
He's a fame junkie.
Can't dance yet.
- Rest assured, my man. - Mail delivery.
- I wanna hear you say the 22nd. - It's gonna be perfect.
Um, I actually have some things I'd like to talk about if--
What I'm trying to say is that when it gets to midnight...
Most of the time, we just end up staying over at her boyfriend's.
...and I don't even recognize them. You know, like, "Oh, of course. Charlene."
Right. Call the cops, man.
...and even his life.
Are you there--?
What the hell, it's Christmas. Go ahead, make another call.
Don't bring a snowmobile to a snowball fight, Nick.
Oh. I just wish you were a little more like your brother.
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Hey, guys.
Okay. Now, I think we go to Roger.
And you're gonna have a child before you graduate college.
Come on.
Stop it. Use your words. Use your words.
...and on the History Channel was the State of the Union Address from 1993.
Listen, I don't wanna hear no futzing from you, pal.
Yeah. I need to get to the North Pole right away, like, tonight.
I despise reindeer.
Mr. Claus? Hi. Hello. Welcome to the North Pole. It's so nice to have you here.
It's the story of a boy named Fred.
Red Fred has entered the building. I repeat, Red Fred has entered the building.
People help the people
Let's get you to work.
What?
- And he's bashing the Salvation Army. - I'm not bashing the Salvation Army.
You already know what it is, so it's not a surprise.
Very important, okay?
Here comes "Here Comes Santa Claus" on NP-100.
Somebody's gonna get in trouble!
- I hear you. Let me out! - Let's heat it up! Let's heat it up!
Oh.
...and trying to keep them at bay so you can get you to come through.
That's it. One more time, come on. Yes.
Great.
...because I know you. You didn't know.
- I've been good, Ma. I've been real good. - That's nice.
...that little tree could grow up strong.
Whoa!
Take his legs out!
I'll see you before then, right?
Ha-ha. Oh, Nicholas.
And I'm feeling very uncomfortable with where you're coming from.
So 5 grand, Michigan Avenue Police Station...
Yes, I'm sure it was.
Oh. Well, Santa did ask me to give you a full orientation of the gift-giving process...
Let’s get drunk And make some bad decisions
How am I ever gonna be seen in public again? It's ridiculous.
Really? I thought you were here to take advantage of your well-meaning brother.
Without them, we have no idea what the children want.
It's hard to pass these beauties up. You're too generous.
...he fulfilled his mother's prophecy.
Well, what can I do, Mr. Northcutt?
But why did he bite them?
I am confident that they will impress you, sir.
You know what? I'm gonna change the song, then, for you.
Don't come in bouncing off the walls.
My man, Fred.
Please make him welcome and let him observe.
You marked every naughty child as nice.
Well, but it could get so much worse, Santa.
But I don't know how Santa's gonna know where to bring me my gifts this year...
- Um-- - Well, well, well.
Oh, boy. Okay, that seems pretty cut and dried.
The feet are dirty, the couch is clean.
- Your brother gave us quite a shindig. - Fred sent a lovely gift, though.
Hey, Fred, it's Leon. It's the 22nd. This is your big day, buddy.
Well, I would imagine he's probably a very hard worker, considering.
The world grew to know and love him as Santa Claus.
- Willie, how do I do this? - Just say "ho."
Don't get physical with me. We're trying to share.
Yeah, I am, Nick. I'm gonna give you $10,000 for Christmas.
I find all the good kids.
All the kids' letters come here to the North Pole Post Office...
I feel good coming here. I like it here.
Papers? What are you from, the 1950s?
That's great. I'm really happy for you, Nick.