Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Wait -- he can't prove I was texting and driving.

With integrity, dignity and grace.

Show us your balls!

Yes, but I'm angry at him

Oh. Right. Of course. Uh, please excuse me.

That's it -- done.

It was 20 bucks, so we're stealing towels.

at the public pool in front of the entire neighborhood.

It changed "Doc gave me meds" to "Dog gave me AIDS."

Look, there's only two words you need to remember --

What's going on?

Well, maybe it should be. I could use a break.

why are you still all over Hayley about it?

Oh, yeah? Well, you're about to get a straight-up butt pic.

And so I...had...

Jeff has a 60% chance of pulling out of this coma.

Texting just doesn't jibe with my sense of humor.

I hate to say "I told you so," but...

she'll never listen to me again.

♪ W-T-F-I ♪

in front of these savages, you've got nerves of steel.

and the "In Memoriam" part of the Oscars.

Just let me send this last one.

You've never had seizures before!