Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

E-E-Ed, swallow that.
Good evening. May I assist you with your specials tonight? Yes, waiter.
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
I show them a picture of ma, and they start shooting at me.
[DAVE] What's that?
He said it's time to forgive.
Does that look familiar?
Everybody, nothin's gonna happen. Keep your hands up and relax.
I apologize for my brother. He's uhh... Mentally Retarded
Yeah. I have the same thing in my wallet.
Huh? That's my bus.
Shit!
♪ [CONTINUES, INDISTINCT]
I'm just real lucky you're going the same way as me.
Are you coming along with us? No, no, no. Not you two.
Well, I guess I got nothing to hide now, so--
I just called the bus station. There's a road to the South open that's going to Philly.
- Gag her. - You're doing me a goddamn favor!
Please-- please, I can't-- [CASH DRAWER OPENS]
No, ma. Dave and Alvin would never steal anything.
I told them there was a sniper on the roof.
Bas ab bohot gya Mujhse nahi hoga iit
Alvin Firpo. You have been labeled a kleptomaniac.
Well, it's nice to see you too. All right. Let's go see ma.
Stop the madness! All right, all right, all right.
- You going South? - Nope.
How? Clovis! They're bullshitting you!
Where were you five hours ago?
There's a man in the water. [COUGHING]
I just met this really terrific woman.
Aw, baloney. Are you sayin' that stuff was stolen?
Thank you. Thank you.
And gotcha! [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] I'm coming, I'm coming.
♪ down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
[DAVE] The town bank.
Shut up!
Yeah, nothin's changed, huh, Dave?
Mix the two together? No, the Brandy's for me.
- Don't make eye contact. - He's turning around.
Timmy!
I wanted to say my appreciation for your hospitableness.
[SIGHS]
Well, according to the post, they may be home for the holidays.
Vic, we put the money back.
[SPLASHING]
Hmm.
Don't aggravate the old witch. I wish I was a witch.
You don't understand. You can't go home. [SIREN WAILING]
and that something bad is gonna happen as a result of this transgression.
You got-- no? All right. Raise your hands.
We were out here skiing, and the back of it-- Oh, man!
Just put the ball away for now. Thank you.
[DAVE] And out.
You are not thinking clearly. No, I'm thinking very clearly.
- Hold on, Alvin! - [WHIMPERING]
Oh, come on. Now, would I do that to you? Dave...
Look, can I ask you a question?
- [ALVIN] Go! - Alvin, do you know what you're doing?
You're surrounded by 10 men. Helps to relax you.
Ohh... mentally retarded.
huh? What? What?
When I go to a friend’s house for the first time and try to be polite Can you.. would you please pass the uh... giblet gravy?
You remember? Yeah.
Run! Run, Merlin! Run!
When you're upstairs, you're up. And--
We can solve this between us.
Come here! Come on! Come on!
I detect resistance.
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
Looks like they got company with them in that jeep.
I knew you'd react like that. That's why I got another copy for your future perusal.
[WHINNIES]
Oh, well, you're a priest. Yeah.
What?
You two are on parole. You cannot leave the state. You are in my custody.
oh!
Edna? Edna?!? Are we sleeping together? I think not! You idiots!
What do you know? You slept through the whole thing.
Is he retarded? Yeah.
[SCATTERED RESPONSES] Merry Christmas. The snow came down pretty fast.
♪ but remember the Red River Calley ♪
A sleigh? Catch the sleigh!
What are you watchin', Marla?
It wasn't your fault. It was my fault, ma. I-- I convinced Bill...
Come on. There.
[WHINNIES] [ALVIN] You stay there, Merlin. Stay there.
Flying would be out of the question, especially in this weather.
Forget what? I got eyes. I know you. Forget it.
[CHUCKLES] Ma.
No choice. But he resisted, every step of the way.
track you down like dogs,
Going home to your fammily? No, just my mother actually.
We gotta have a serious talk! Now get me the hell outta here! Uh-oh.
[SPUTTERS]
[DAVE CHATTERING]
No? [CHUCKLES] No what? What are you talking about?
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER] Vic?
And as far as periods go, oh, it was a mother.