Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You should actually limber up as well.

- You're right, that's the worst part. - I'm sorry. I'm just so scared.

Then again, since my folks are paranoid shut-ins like me...

You're Columbus.

On behalf of all the eighth-grade girls, I would like to make it up to you.

It was because, in that moment, it became clear.

...to Columbus, Ohio, where I'm hoping my parents are still alive.

- Bill? - Yeah?

I'm not easy to get along with...

I love you, Bill. I love you.

Me leaving work this week.

No, no, no, you should be scared. A homeless man just tried to eat you.

I mean, do what you want with a man but do not fuck with his XJ

I haven't cried like that since Titanic.

This place is incredible.

Cardio, seat belts, and this has nothing to do with anything...

Hey, you found my ring.

The first hot girl in 1000 miles shows up, makes me feel like an idiot...

...which is what happened to me before Zombieland.

- What I'd give for a shower... - Do not say S-H-O-W-E-R, okay?

...but I realized she had more trust issues than I...

Three weeks ago. Yeah.

I WANT MY XJ BACK!

For me, home was a puppy named Buck.

I was engaged once...

No? Well, they're playing it in Columbus.

So, what about you?

I mean do what you want with a man But do not fuck with his Cadillac

- You never played the quiet game? - Sorry.

- Least for a while? - Here's the deal, Columbus.

I have a little hunch.

Keeps us from getting too familiar.

Which reminds me...

Yeah, I see that, a Hostess truck. So what?

Don't make me drink alone.

Look at this fucking clown.

You are a dangerous man.

Good luck now, Petunia.

Oh, this egg roll thing, it ain't over yet

It became quickly apparent, however, that he did have one weakness.

I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger.

Relax, okay? I just passed for a zombie.

...who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of year.

You see, he was in the ass-kicking business, and...

- Who cares? - The best thing is no more flushing.

- Thanks. - Hey.

I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that

Where's the F@#ing POOPH!!???

Man, we're gonna have to pull over soon. I'm feeling cooped up.

Garfield, maybe.

Like undertow or department store Santas.

...well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool.

That's when it hit me. I felt ashamed that it had taken me this long...

Dignity, long gone.

it’s not the taste it’s the consistency

You had to get a gun and learn how to use it.

- I always roll it up from the bottom. - Well, the zombie's head is the cap.

You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?

As zombies began to outnumber humans...

Why don't you exhale slowly, squeeze the trigger?

Thanks. I've been looking all over for it.