Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

No Twinkies Shit fuck

I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse...

AND IT MAY LOOK LIKE THE COYOTES DESTROYED HIM BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY JUST CONOR GARLAND

I have a case of chronic anxiety.

I think we should probably just keep going.

...that doesn't have blood dripping from its lips and flesh between its teeth.

Year 2020 "You guys want some Purell"

Who'd have guessed that would be zombie killing?

Had my first school dance. Oh, thank you.

Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top.

I'm going after Wichita.

I'm not sure what's more tragic: that my family is gone...

It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.

You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old?

This guy has a direct line to my funny bone.

It makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now...

In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really dead dead...

...we had hope. We had each other.

Not as fun as I remember.

And we took shelter in the back of the truck.

I saw this construction worker. I shit you not...

Fuck this clown.

Don't talk about me like I'm not here.

Are you fuckin with me? Uhhh No

It's okay, but FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

- Wichita! Little Rock! - Hurry!

There is a box of Twinkies in that grocery store.

I'm sorry, he just gets me.

- No Twinkies. - Shit, fuck!

- Went heels to Jesus. - Oh, made love.

- Oh, free parking. - Yeah.

I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like Yosemite Sam...

Let me call you back.

Look, stay back, 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but...

Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.

...if you can have a type, what would that be, you think?

I don’t work at Alamo Drafthouse

And then I'd finally be a member of a cool, functional family.

I mean, not running, sprinting.

...he is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him.

It's a fast-acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever...

Give him the gun.

On the bright side, I had found a place to go number two.

Friday night, third straight week indoors.

The last pack of Charmin that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.

Oh, this is so exciting. You're about to learn who you gonna call.

I think they might actually require our assistance this time.

Buddy of mine showed me how to do this.

So do you have any regrets?

You’re right that’s the worst part.

All those fucking zombies.

...with all my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome...

You see, you just can't trust anyone.

It's called 5:00 shadow, but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.

Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

You are like a giant cock-blocking robot...