Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I would just like to say FUCK YOU DONALD.

till she's sitting on the toilet and a kid pops out?

I live in your phone

- Hey, Ben. How's it going? - Yo.

And you just kind of have to go with the flow and, you know,

We can watch Taxicab Confessions.

Are you coming?

You know, you should just support everything I say

Open the door, he's like,

I get worse-looking and he gets better-looking,

About Last Night …

You know, it's a rare thing that you live to see the day

I said make it away!

Can't have a bunch of fat and jobless bitches running around.

Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3 starts in eight minutes.

Look, I forgot you were sleeping over. I'm sorry, okay?

You know, it's times like this I'm glad I don't own nice things.

Peeniss it meens peeniss

Short Cuts, two hours, 17 minutes, bush no boobs.

and without Scatman Crothers in it.

Which is awesome, 'cause I never like guys like you. It's great.

Did you just say my lack of commitment? 'Cause that's what it sounded like.

No. Would you please just listen to her?

I don't know. Shit. I don't know. I can't remember.

I have to go to work.

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Just do it already!

and on the way, we will call every gynecologist we've met.

Yeah. So, that's what's happening with that.

I could smoke weed every second of every day.

Gnats @ Brookville- You are the worst.

who's filling in for ashley gallagher? emma coakeley.

that she wants me around all the time.

Okay. Oh, good.

I have to go to this other chair.

Babe, we're running low on plates.

Well, I mean, if you want to contact me, I don't have a cell, right now,

What else do I have to do, I mean, besides sleep? Totally kidding.

- I don't mind. - It all worked out!

You old. She pregnant Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around.

- Am I too old to be here? - No, of course not.

I know we’re suppose to support this team and encourage Freddie

If you had to do a threesome with me and one of my other roommates,

He invented the DeLorean, the time machine.

That's a little strong, I would say.

What? What's that?

Tell me you don't want him to get an A word.

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Why don't you not threaten me?

and give this a real shot.

I know my job is to just support you in whatever it is you wanna do,

I know, of course, I know that.

- So, how do you... Right. - How do I pay rent and shit?

I'm sure a lot of guys are like, Oh, I'd like to hang out with that celeb,

How much do wedding rings cost?

Don't run out of gas. Don't run out of gas. Come on!

Okay, pretty baby.

I will give you a play-by-play of my memory.

Really? I thought she'd take you back.

I'm just saying, when you're a guy and, you know, you have a family,

Really? You don't think that would just make it worse?

Obviously, I mean, don't insult the woman. She wants to get us a gift.

Oh, hi, I'm Ben.

I like the way you move

- What did you say? - I said, No pills, no powders.

You know, you didn't even read the baby books.

- What? - I'm gonna crush the baby. I know it.

It's pat content. I'm not cheating or anything

- Oh, that's great! - Good thing I'm drunk.

How come we go to the gynecologist so often?

He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco? Do you know when he gets back?

About last night

Everyone goes through this.

Someone needs to. Like who gives a shit?

She looks.. Smart

I just don't get how I tell check not to drink when I drink. .

Like I said, I really wasn't into them,

But I guess it's good, right?

- Nice. - Nice. Nice. Well done.

This is a good thing. This is a blessing.

And then I try to call him on his cell phone,

When You've Done So Much, There's Really Nothing More To Do! Feel Like Giving Up But

It was my foot more than anything.

- Okay, we'll get you a cookie. - Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pissed.

- We're not gonna do this. - What?

So we did some research.

The mushrooms are turning on me.

Are you hungry?

If you're gonna get caught cheating, it shouldn't be like this.

You know, instead of all the funny, pithy dialog,

He’s playing fetch with my kids

Is Ben gonna come?

Nothing. Nothing that we need to talk about right now.

The box was just empty?

I can't call him anyway. He doesn't even have a phone.

It's a ninja weapon.

- I don't mind. - No, it doesn't matter.

You said everything was gonna be fine and nothing is fine.

So can you come help me?

Just in the evenings and all day every weekend.

So if you want that perfect tan like the stars, he's the one to see.

These are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.

You're being dramatic. We didn't meet that many.

No, you don't look like a fat cow at all. You look great.

- You know what I'm saying? - Okay, cool.

- Just get over it! - I can't do it. Can you just get on top?

Christopher walken

Hey! I live in your phone!

Okay. Just relax, man, just relax.

He says he's gonna call it a night.

- Three months. - No.

Just give him a break.

These can't all be positive. Let me try one.

Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms

You know what? Go fuck your fucking bong, you fuck!

- No. - No? Okay.

- Ben? - Allison.

I said fuck off jayden I said fuck off jayden

At least we don't have to use a condom, you know?

I just want to get shit-faced tonight, though, you know.

Keep it a secret they said... It'll be fun they said!

How I feel about election posts:

He didn't have an actual ring, though. It was just an empty box.

- For the baby, right? - Exactly.

Well, maybe he should've thought of that before he was cheating.

"That's Not Even Good Parenting Right There."

I think just because this site exists

We got harbaugh

You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

He farted on Jonahs Thinking it was mine

REALLY HIIIIIIIIGH

No part of your brain would have been, like, You know, maybe we'll go back

Absolutely. I'm so excited! Oh, my God.

I'm Up High! I'm really high up!

Fuck me Fuck me

I think they'll be fine. Look at us. It happened to us.

- Okay, faster? - Harder.

I mean, he can't afford a ring, so...

Go get it! Fetch!

POV: Waiting to gain 1,000+ followers to apply to Tik Tok Shop While everyone else is passing you by. Keep posting.

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We would just like it if you go home and step on the scale

Have the mushrooms kicked in yet?

I just wanted to see how my beers were doing.

Hey, how do you want this? You want this over the shoulder?

What's happening?

and you will not passing the 4th grade. Yay!

I mean, I'm only gonna start to show when I'm like,

- I don't know, at least 10 years. - At least!

So you think I'm seeing a band, I do my fantasy draft, and it's win-win.

I went where I went Jason

There's a guy that works for this hotel. His whole job is to find chairs.

I have no idea, either.

I can't push harder

- Samuel? - Yeah?

Debbie didn't get fat.

All the time, man. Like every day. I wonder how you like me.

I'm just saying he deserves a beat-down.

Isn't it weird, though, when you have a kid and all your dreams and hopes

But, I mean, you can e-mail me at the web page. I check...

Hold on, pause it, pause it, pause it.

Am I hotter than these little bitches?

No, I'm okay right now. Thank you.

Come on Daniel come on fuck me with that big dick of yours

hidden downloads, searches, email history. Memory Spy.

I don't know. I'm in the tub.

Karen is such a fuckin liar

No. Don't get cash. Just come.

Can you let me back in the car, please?

Cause I want to rip his fucking head off because his game plans are so fucking stupid!

When I was in high school, I got ran over by a postal truck.