Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

It was probably a moth.
Man: we can't hear you.
20 minutes can change you.
Emcee: Thank you, Janet Shaw.
Nobody touches Susan’s Pyrex Especially on her birthday!
Joel is funny, and he likes to do his comedy.
who wouldn't want to come home to this?
Didn't your son have the measles last week?
- * Whose heart... * - Look at all the people.
And because it's better
If you don't entertain, it's fine.
Midge: Oh, the things Joel taught me.
I'll make an airplane. That's what I'll do.
Actually, I'm a little bloated right now.
them small Pennsylvania towns...
All right, all right.
Come back next week!
Don't pick a weak man.
I had it all.
Thank you for the nice... nice...
Do you know what a dream is?
Fine. Baz still gave me the crappiest time.
Oh, that might be the funniest thing you've ever said.
"Ted the Moth."
to Joel's balls the other night?"
I'm... I'm... I'm not happy.
where God says you can't eat shrimp.
Look at what greets you at the door.
Steal. You didn't steal.
it's a service I provide
It can go from hot to cold without cracking.
* Can't you talk any louder? *
of what the hell I actually do.
Yeah, it won't be at 1:45.
Connie Francis: * Who's sorry now? *
Mama, for the love of God,
I need an audience. I feed off an audience.
Did the alarm go off?
with the string tie and beard?
And that's why he didn't eat the soup.
Why? What did you do?
Nobody's happy. It's Yom Kippur.
It's his act.
I thought he wanted spontaneity
* You are the living end *
385 Riverside Drive.
Don't know. When everyone's gone.
* A lovely pair of heels that kick to beat the band *
He's a comedian.
I thought my wife bailed me out.
I made my brisket
Uh-huh.
This isn't my fault!
I see you acting ridiculous all day long.
I dressed in costumes. I gave him kids...
Who's Joel?
I know, but the driver's having trouble with his marriage,
Bob Newhart probably used Henny Youngman's stuff
I'll make a Lancaster.
Of course it's your fault.
He was a good husband. He was a good provider.
This day is perfect.
* Girls talk *
Joel left you?
Six to nine more months left on those arms.
Or stunned.
You're not mad.
Yes. You slowed it down.
* Muscle and blood and skin and bone *
And yes there is shrimp in the egg rolls
You will when we're done.
My dish is here. I'd like it back.
Two cakes, one for eating.
Well, you can't eat a soup with no spoon.
I'll wait till he's done.
and a dreidel signed by Sammy Davis Jr.,
A door does not represent infinite possibilities.
They smear it on your face,
Okay. Come on.
a press agent talking to Abe Lincoln.
No, no, no. Wait. I will be better.
Joel Maisel, king of comedy.
- Your what? - Pyrex. My Pyrex.
- Do you need a cab? - Nope.
I thought it was a phase, but now...
Give me that slot again next time.
Yeah. He loves it.
Uh, where's the shawl, Abe?
Right thigh 181/2.
Is everything ordered for next week?
I have been very lucky.
* Or a dwarf who used to know Snow White *
Sorry.
- What? Why? - Public indecency
That's why we do it, right?
What I paid for that dress. We're very happy.