Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

My husband's so smart.

You single people, you don't have to be nice to your mother

[crowd laughing]

beautiful, gorgeous women, through the DMs.

The only men my mother has ever had an actual conversation with

and all of your responsibility in life.

You know, I came this close

And whenever we get into an argument

We call them chuckle fuckers.

And in the movie,

I mean, you really think about it, that is some nutty-ass shit

and I figured out that what caused that huge traffic jam was

in front of all of these strangers,

there's a disproportionate amount of men that do stand-up.

♪ Close your eyes Make a wish ♪

has turned me into a 50-year-old man.

House Hunters is a show on HGTV

It's very disturbing, this disparity in quality

if all women wanted and felt like they deserved that,

-Like a tattered sail of a pirate ship. -[crowd laughing]

and I was so busy

very sexy Asian American men.

and… you straight up just don't listen,

-[crowd laughing] -"Yeah."

that makes a lot more money than you.

there is all of this performing and pretending involved.

So in addition to being my husband,

and stomp on all her vegetables?

-I like hickeys. I love hickeys. -[crowd laughing]

Viscous but not too pasty.

and all women are very good

I was like, "I want another colonoscopy."

That's how taboo it is for women to cheat on their husbands.

Okay? And it was good pussy juice too.

[crowd chuckles]

Fast-forward to seven years later,

And I was so nervous.

any ounce of mainstream success in comedy,

"Well, uh, you-- you know, the good news is that, uh,

That shit was like the "Unchained Melody" scene from Ghost…

If she got the skills to earn money, power, and respect,

And you're like, "Okay, I'm bleeding and, um…"

He gotta have great timing.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

yes, because Mexican women cheat on their husbands,

And now that I'm the clear breadwinner,

-[woman cheers] -[laughter continues]

And while shooting, all of my girlfriends kept on asking me,

-like a hammock in the Blue Bayou, okay? -[crowd laughing]

[crowd cheering, applauding]

You can eat an edible at 2:00 p.m…

And so then she ordered a CT scan, and the results came back.

Truth bomb Ali Wong

…because you want time to yourself to binge Bridgerton to feel alive again.

So in addition to all of that labor…

-[gasps] -[crowd laughs]

And then my OBGYN became very concerned

So all my underwear looks like it's been snacked on by rats.

pretends that there's a decision to be made together.

-"She's chill." -[crowd laughs]