Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Okay? And it was good pussy juice too.

-Like a tattered sail of a pirate ship. -[crowd laughing]

And I was so nervous.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

I was like, "I want another colonoscopy."

We call them chuckle fuckers.

there is all of this performing and pretending involved.

My husband's so smart.

You know, I came this close

The only men my mother has ever had an actual conversation with

and I was so busy

Fast-forward to seven years later,

You can eat an edible at 2:00 p.m…

and… you straight up just don't listen,

…because you want time to yourself to binge Bridgerton to feel alive again.

I mean, you really think about it, that is some nutty-ass shit

Viscous but not too pasty.

-"She's chill." -[crowd laughs]

If she got the skills to earn money, power, and respect,

there's a disproportionate amount of men that do stand-up.

And then my OBGYN became very concerned

in front of all of these strangers,

So all my underwear looks like it's been snacked on by rats.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

Truth bomb Ali Wong

-[crowd laughing] -"Yeah."

pretends that there's a decision to be made together.

has turned me into a 50-year-old man.

[crowd laughing]

beautiful, gorgeous women, through the DMs.

very sexy Asian American men.

He gotta have great timing.

And while shooting, all of my girlfriends kept on asking me,

And in the movie,

That's how taboo it is for women to cheat on their husbands.

So in addition to being my husband,

and I figured out that what caused that huge traffic jam was

And you're like, "Okay, I'm bleeding and, um…"

And whenever we get into an argument

and all women are very good

It's very disturbing, this disparity in quality

And now that I'm the clear breadwinner,

"Well, uh, you-- you know, the good news is that, uh,

You single people, you don't have to be nice to your mother

-I like hickeys. I love hickeys. -[crowd laughing]

♪ Close your eyes Make a wish ♪

-like a hammock in the Blue Bayou, okay? -[crowd laughing]

and stomp on all her vegetables?

House Hunters is a show on HGTV

any ounce of mainstream success in comedy,

[crowd chuckles]

that makes a lot more money than you.

and all of your responsibility in life.

yes, because Mexican women cheat on their husbands,

if all women wanted and felt like they deserved that,

And so then she ordered a CT scan, and the results came back.

-[gasps] -[crowd laughs]

-[woman cheers] -[laughter continues]

That shit was like the "Unchained Melody" scene from Ghost…

So in addition to all of that labor…