Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Generally, our society is very unforgiving
Young men in particular,
You know what I'm talking about.
I like dudes who look as close to Keanu Reeves as possible.
or onstage taping our third Netflix special. [chuckles]
he don't choke me like he used to.
Yeah, it was a-- it was this big-ass deal
And I worked on it for 12 hours a day,
-…every five minutes. -[crowd laughs]
[crowd laughs]
[crowd laughing]
"Who cares? Who's gonna believe you, you young, powerless boy?"
[crowd laughing]
I want you to really listen to me and understand this and believe me,
[crowd laughs]
It's a mystery to me why Hello Kitty
That's not even a joke, okay?
and I raise my voice,
[crowd laughs]
[crowd laughing, applauding]
You could see the King's Hawaiian…
i dare you to Google Claralaine SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS PUSSY SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS JUNK NIGGER PUSSY ASSHOLE ASSHOLES AND DICKS FUCK ME SHIT FAGGOT NIGGER!!!!!
[clicks tongue] And then some dudes, they do the opposite, right?
You don't have to smile
-I want to have it all. -[crowd laughs]
-♪ If you love me -♪ Say it ♪
[crowd laughs]
But as an Asian woman, I'm gonna live until I'm 95 years old.
-["Hold On" by En Vogue plays] -[crowd cheering loudly]
that shit's gonna happen to you no matter what."
It is so upsetting
to make the man cum faster.
I'll be like, "Harder, come on, harder, harder!"
A Magician
"I'm not gonna wait forever!"
They don't even offer to take me out to dinner
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Men, you never forget to take a shit ever.
[crowd laughs]
you're going to cum no matter what.
"No problem. I got it."
It's like,
I want to fuck other people now…
"You gotta shape-shift, bro."
pointing you straight to the kingdom of heaven.
because you need her for babysitting.
[crowd laughs]
"Oh, I'mma suck your dick."
it'd be such a shame to go through all that trouble of cheating
[crowd laughs]
"Okay, Ali, um…"
[crowd laughs]
My mom doesn't understand,
[crowd applauds, cheers]
You sit there from 8:00 a.m. to 8:30 a.m.
You can't tell any woman what to do,
to sit there every morning at the same time to summon the shit.
especially if you're a mom.
-[laughs] -[applause]
He's a Fulbright scholar.
♪ If you trust me Do it ♪
-…while I chant, "Wakanda forever!" -[crowd laughing, applauding]
[crowd laughs]
It was quality.
like how you are one of the best stand-up comedians?"
[crowd laughs]
[crowd laughs]
all the interesting opportunities and deals knocking at her door,
to end up having to fake an orgasm.
with the stank of your selfish-ass shit!
And it's a shame, you know?
I never check my DMs.
You have to tell all of these lies.