Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

[crowd applauds, cheers]

I like dudes who look as close to Keanu Reeves as possible.

I never check my DMs.

♪ If you trust me Do it ♪

You could see the King's Hawaiian…

-…while I chant, "Wakanda forever!" -[crowd laughing, applauding]

[clicks tongue] And then some dudes, they do the opposite, right?

and I raise my voice,

-["Hold On" by En Vogue plays] -[crowd cheering loudly]

"I'm not gonna wait forever!"

You sit there from 8:00 a.m. to 8:30 a.m.

especially if you're a mom.

"No problem. I got it."

That's not even a joke, okay?

because you need her for babysitting.

"Who cares? Who's gonna believe you, you young, powerless boy?"

like how you are one of the best stand-up comedians?"

It was quality.

to make the man cum faster.

I want to fuck other people now…

-I want to have it all. -[crowd laughs]

-♪ If you love me -♪ Say it ♪

It's a mystery to me why Hello Kitty

[crowd laughing]

"You gotta shape-shift, bro."

But as an Asian woman, I'm gonna live until I'm 95 years old.

to sit there every morning at the same time to summon the shit.

Yeah, it was a-- it was this big-ass deal

or onstage taping our third Netflix special. [chuckles]

It is so upsetting

I want you to really listen to me and understand this and believe me,

[crowd laughing, applauding]

My mom doesn't understand,

it'd be such a shame to go through all that trouble of cheating

And I worked on it for 12 hours a day,

You don't have to smile

I'll be like, "Harder, come on, harder, harder!"

that shit's gonna happen to you no matter what."

you're going to cum no matter what.

"Okay, Ali, um…"

Generally, our society is very unforgiving

-…every five minutes. -[crowd laughs]

with the stank of your selfish-ass shit!

he don't choke me like he used to.

You can't tell any woman what to do,

Men, you never forget to take a shit ever.

And it's a shame, you know?

"Oh, I'mma suck your dick."

all the interesting opportunities and deals knocking at her door,

pointing you straight to the kingdom of heaven.

He's a Fulbright scholar.

You have to tell all of these lies.

You know what I'm talking about.

Young men in particular,

to end up having to fake an orgasm.

[crowd laughing]

-[laughs] -[applause]

They don't even offer to take me out to dinner

[crowd cheering, applauding]