Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

-[laughs] -[applause]

You sit there from 8:00 a.m. to 8:30 a.m.

like how you are one of the best stand-up comedians?"

And I worked on it for 12 hours a day,

-["Hold On" by En Vogue plays] -[crowd cheering loudly]

Yeah, it was a-- it was this big-ass deal

I want to fuck other people now…

♪ If you trust me Do it ♪

and I raise my voice,

It's a mystery to me why Hello Kitty

You could see the King's Hawaiian…

[crowd applauds, cheers]

And it's a shame, you know?

-…while I chant, "Wakanda forever!" -[crowd laughing, applauding]

with the stank of your selfish-ass shit!

"I'm not gonna wait forever!"

"Who cares? Who's gonna believe you, you young, powerless boy?"

to make the man cum faster.

[crowd cheering, applauding]

They don't even offer to take me out to dinner

pointing you straight to the kingdom of heaven.

"Oh, I'mma suck your dick."

[crowd laughing]

that shit's gonna happen to you no matter what."

You have to tell all of these lies.

"No problem. I got it."

[crowd laughing]

I never check my DMs.

You know what I'm talking about.

he don't choke me like he used to.

I'll be like, "Harder, come on, harder, harder!"

Young men in particular,

I like dudes who look as close to Keanu Reeves as possible.

Generally, our society is very unforgiving

all the interesting opportunities and deals knocking at her door,

That's not even a joke, okay?

-I want to have it all. -[crowd laughs]

Men, you never forget to take a shit ever.

It is so upsetting

or onstage taping our third Netflix special. [chuckles]

to sit there every morning at the same time to summon the shit.

[crowd laughing, applauding]

-♪ If you love me -♪ Say it ♪

to end up having to fake an orgasm.

i dare you to Google Claralaine SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS PUSSY SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS JUNK NIGGER PUSSY ASSHOLE ASSHOLES AND DICKS FUCK ME SHIT FAGGOT NIGGER!!!!!

you're going to cum no matter what.

[clicks tongue] And then some dudes, they do the opposite, right?

It was quality.

But as an Asian woman, I'm gonna live until I'm 95 years old.

He's a Fulbright scholar.

especially if you're a mom.

"You gotta shape-shift, bro."

"Okay, Ali, um…"

because you need her for babysitting.

You can't tell any woman what to do,

-…every five minutes. -[crowd laughs]

My mom doesn't understand,

it'd be such a shame to go through all that trouble of cheating

I want you to really listen to me and understand this and believe me,

You don't have to smile