Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

so you might as well pick the bitch that will give you health insurance, okay?

My husband and I are the same age.

and you see him from this very unflattering angle

…while this grown-ass man is straddling your rib cage,

I'd be like, "What the fuck am I doing?"

is frightening.

That wasn't passed down to you from your mother.

"Oh my goodness,

[growling, grumbling]

Fan pussy is a great reward for doing stand-up comedy.

SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS PUSSY SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS JUNK NIGGER PUSSY ASSHOLE ASSHOLES AND DICKS FUCK ME SHIT FAGGOT NIGGER!!!!!

[applause and cheers continue]

It's so annoying.

And then it turned out that my colon was perfectly healthy,

I like Fabuloso, okay?

And then she turns to me and says,

I was like, "Oh my God, I still got it! I still got it! I still got it!"

how do you feel about your wife Ali going up on stage

And then they become obsessed with dried jujubes

…that your toddler threw on the floor…

-♪ If you trust me -♪ Do it ♪

where not to put it, how fast, how slow,

[crowd laughing]

because it runs in my family.

You know, I'm very jealous

I got both of those things.

-Merona, whatever's on sale. -[women laughing]

and then it's an emergency.

When I saw that in my underwear, when I saw those loogies,

"She doesn't give a fuck about what I do 'cause she's chill."

You're too scared to ask your wife for alone time,

Any man watching me, listening to what I have to say,

It's highly unlikely that any man in here…

there is no word for a male mistress.

Has your sperm swam in the eyes of an icon?

this important woman could be doing with her valuable time…

You sit there at the most crucial time of the day,

Now, I am told it's because men are threatened

…that I'm a real piece of shit, okay?

"Oh, you don't talk to me like that."

of wanting to fool around outside of your marriage,

at the most inconvenient time of the day.

Only other married people with kids can empathize

So if you haven't seen the movie, it's a romantic comedy…

And that, single people,

I want to be part of your Telemundo, okay?

But Barbara is a woman,

I think that what happened was, at the time,

It's all because of fan pussy.