Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

"Oh, you don't talk to me like that."

And then they become obsessed with dried jujubes

and you see him from this very unflattering angle

And then it turned out that my colon was perfectly healthy,

It's all because of fan pussy.

so you might as well pick the bitch that will give you health insurance, okay?

SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS PUSSY SEMEN CUM PENIS COCK ASSHOLE TITIES BOOBS JUNK NIGGER PUSSY ASSHOLE ASSHOLES AND DICKS FUCK ME SHIT FAGGOT NIGGER!!!!!

Only other married people with kids can empathize

"She doesn't give a fuck about what I do 'cause she's chill."

"Oh my goodness,

And then she turns to me and says,

[crowd laughing]

I like Fabuloso, okay?

how do you feel about your wife Ali going up on stage

[growling, grumbling]

You're too scared to ask your wife for alone time,

…that your toddler threw on the floor…

and then it's an emergency.

But Barbara is a woman,

I was like, "Oh my God, I still got it! I still got it! I still got it!"

at the most inconvenient time of the day.

there is no word for a male mistress.

where not to put it, how fast, how slow,

Fan pussy is a great reward for doing stand-up comedy.

So if you haven't seen the movie, it's a romantic comedy…

because it runs in my family.

is frightening.

That wasn't passed down to you from your mother.

-♪ If you trust me -♪ Do it ♪

of wanting to fool around outside of your marriage,

You sit there at the most crucial time of the day,

…while this grown-ass man is straddling your rib cage,

My husband and I are the same age.

I think that what happened was, at the time,

And that, single people,

Any man watching me, listening to what I have to say,

It's highly unlikely that any man in here…

I want to be part of your Telemundo, okay?

You know, I'm very jealous

I got both of those things.

this important woman could be doing with her valuable time…

[applause and cheers continue]

When I saw that in my underwear, when I saw those loogies,

Has your sperm swam in the eyes of an icon?

It's so annoying.

-Merona, whatever's on sale. -[women laughing]

I'd be like, "What the fuck am I doing?"

…that I'm a real piece of shit, okay?

Now, I am told it's because men are threatened