Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Why would I hurt you when I love you?
because we're the most godless generation.
Oh she's never seen me act.
and somebody asked me if we sold paperweights
- That doesn't sound good. - It's not.
so maybe sex isn't on your agenda.
Okay ethics aside,
Like if I work at a spoon factory
And you're no Rock Hudson.
Okay. Oh. Yeah.
- What? - So we're even Steven.
- Hello? - Hi you called?
what if I'm none of the above?
- Lower levels of neuroticism, - Nope.
Stupid brain.
No because you should have remembered the knife.
- Novak Djokovic. - Ellen Degeneres.
- Oh stop it. - No really,
- Hi Zane. - So updates, give, give.
- What? - Sex let's do the sex.
He was gay okay?
Yes? Huh, yeah, yeah?
Would that change the meaning of pro-choice?
and you're the only person I can't lose.
It's a cultural belief that a wet knot is harder to untie.
Okay hypothetically this would be
It's not very discreet,
you eat the last bite of something delicious
Split.
and I kept waiting for it to happen
if you think that would help.
I have no buyers remorse.
is the thing nobody wants to talk about,
poor dental hygiene and or bad taste in movies.
- yeah if you could, no, just - I'm sorry,
So two out of three isn't so bad.
Hey, you know that saying shoot for the moon,
and I've never been exceptionally lucky.
I sent them an invoice.
I'm out here living the dream.
socially conditioned to be gay, gay, gay.
that Ryder is an unreliable source.
that I'm clearly physically unafflicted.
Did my dad seem unusually nice to you?
- Oh yeah okay. - She doesn't have to
Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side".
Really?
I didn't ask, you have a very symmetrical face.
Might not be true I haven't looked into it thoroughly.
She just gave it to you?
Like what?
Yeah I think she's Bulgarian.
You can't use your OCD as an excuse for everything.
No would you like to join me for a cup of joe?
I said no.
Facial symmetry indicates
or crying or poop.
with his other guy. His name is River.
but rape is never funny.
- Literally? - Well no, oh no!
Well that is hearsay, and as such it's inadmissible.
but you are gonna break that poor girl's heart.
No.
fucking Will and Grace on the same team?
We don't have have doc night, we don't bananagram,
you wouldn't take the bus either
Is it sex?
to be something that you're not and it's offensive.
You don't recognize no do you?
It took me three days.
You're right, instead of abortion clinics,
Todd told me everybody used to think he was gay.
was supposed to fly into L.A. for my birthday,
the elephant in the room.
- No. - So Jenna has a genius IQ,
it's like two thirtyish on a Wednesday,
It might be counterproductive.
I prefer to eat smaller animals like chickens,
raising a well adjusted adult.
"I Do Not Hook Up".
I'm just saying and there's plenty of literature
Hey Karen it's your daughter.
So are you afraid of dying too soon
- Cybill Shepherd. - Ellen Degeneres.
That made me feel really uncomfortable.
called Face Value that leverages machine learning
He's cute though right?
- She's driving to Europe? - No what?
You wouldn't expect there to be a knife
"Hey you wanna buy some sperm?"
be jumping in their boots to die.
and you're clean and that's all you need.
as I sometimes say.
and you clearly don't want to be a waitress so.
compared to non-parents.
Yeah he's awesome.
I'm straight, I like bean burritos
No you can't they're not always soft,
Why, what would you do?
Hi you've reached Todd.
you know that scene?
that isn't like cute or endearing.
What if I worked late or snuck out the back
he called it the Sarah MacLacharena.
How exciting. Please remind them
I am having some trouble understanding
I'm straight.
- Wait what? - By Ernest Hemingway.
a series of aptitude tests.
or you're missing an arm and a leg,
but even if you wanted to experiment,
24 months in bitch years,
I eat meat.
Baby if you love me,
What do you want?
I think it might have skewed the results.
- my masculinity has been - His therapist.
You're restocking the shelves.
If you don't like it, there's a gift receipt.
I'm in the it gets worse before it gets better phase.
I am college educated,
Whatever still gay!
that could obstruct our personal happiness?
Stop.
In sickness, and in health and you know that that says a lot
God I'm so funny!