Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I thought maybe you wanted to ask me something.

that you have with yourself.

are you really asking or is that just an obligatory gesture?

you'd get to try if you were someone's bitch.

so I photoshopped myself into a fashion spread

Nothing on the calendar.

You're the only person I like arguing with

28, 62. We beat you so bad.

I mean gay men have been marrying women

Thanksgiving with your parents?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

they all sound right but

the turkey would have been dry,

- This is my husband. - Come on in, come on.

their internalized homophobic shame

Like a Kinsey 3.

on a scale of one to 10.

Tonight should be fun though.

I won't look I promise.

I lie to homeless people, I always have change

We need to go home, I think I left the toaster on.

the only way that I can justify being an actor,

They spray at you like Spider-man.

You do not forget to unplug things,

- Meg. Truth or dare? - Please.

- It's our song. - I have never heard this song

"The Day After Tomorrow".

It's not a party unless you're there.

of having any heterosexual feelings,

Some would say that it is Prestontious.

The walls are gray, the door is...

In the shower can I come in?

- I do. - We should tell Danny

I want my own apartment that accurately represents

I figure Murphy's law if I had kids

I can learn to eat you out,

is still four light years away from Earth.

or because I'm generally incorrigible,

- Thanks. - You know one of my clients,

she'd develop some equanimity.

Does it look like it's taken?

we look just like Paul and Joanne.

that can actually put up with me,

This Thursday we're watching

Of the remaining 3200,

- Nose job. I got a nose job. - Oh.

We already said that.

"We Need to Talk About Kevin".

Fucking A, I feel like

- No. - No, no what I mean is

Why are you so nice?

- Well I love her. - No you think you love her,

Of course you do.

valuable contributors to society.

Maybe one day I want kids.

These traffic jams are driving me mad.

But does that intangible sense of purpose

Are you making fun of my accent?

- Jesse. - Jesse obviously.

And so maybe we won't have the greatest sex ever,

But they never explicitly say the word abortion,

I do. I have a theory

Just calling to chat.

Oh I just like the movie.

Well it's not my fault if people are fucking stupid.

because you couldn't afford it

I hear they have great...

I will yes and I'm bringing Rory.

If somebody had a gun to your head

to the point where irony has lost

how do you feel about dogs?

You're welcome. Will you be spending

I can't, it makes me think of poop,

Are you getting cast?

Why are you packing?

outside the stall when I exit

one third of my income,

meaning I just don't want to be gay

- in Monterey. - Oh.

Well I think so but.

I'm the horse but am I a gay horse,

Were you wearing a red shirt?

but mostly just to meet people.

And what I'm saying is that having children

else until you love yourself.

Yes but mostly I see a psychoanalyst

- Mother. - What?

- change, I'm a visual person. - Oh, oh let me...

To be not dead? Yeah.

a straight horse, or a Shetland pony?

like a normal person?

Well I'm not planing on kissing anyone today so.

how would I slip it into a sentence?

Pussies are gross.

Or are you justifying your actions?

Hi Karen, it's Rory.

Apparently my lack of framed photographs

- Good night. - Good night.

I'm joking, Todd I'm joking.

So what's your face value?

- Ruth Bader Ginsburg. - Ellen Degeneres.

That's all 24 hours so it counts as one thing.

to Joanne for 50 years and they were very happy.

Wait how old are you now?

"Marcus you never send me out anymore."

What are you doing?

I'm probably gonna take that off.

Can't you tell?

an outdoor summer wedding in Arizona

Zane. I dare you to

Is this routine working for you?

Aww but you found him instead.

Are you booking a lot?

It would be ironic if you were marrying a meteorologist

and tonight it felt like they loved me more.

You're not bisexual.

Well can you just tell me what you want

- Right now? - No not now,

- Ellen Degeneres. - Tracy Chapman.

I had to book a hotel in Sacramento and Medford.