Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- Please do not make a mockery of this. - Let someone else speak, Mr. Dobbs.
(audience cheer)
Sit.
...with words, then yes,
Your uncle. He was trying to call your room. He said he couldn't get through.
(sirens)
May I ask why?
Perception of legitimacy is more important than legitimacy itself. That's the greater truth.
Nothing. She left it up to me.
Comedian Tom Dobbs is the next President of the United States.
but they decided to cover it up for economic reasons.
Wow.
(muffled cries)
- Thought that went pretty well. - Lincoln got more laughs at the Gettysburg Address.
- with breast implants. - (laughter)
Thanks for your honesty.
- Cleavage. Is that legal? - Very cute.
You don't have to vote. Know how we're gonna pick 'em?
that there was a computer glitch in the Delacroy computer voting system.
OK. You mean to tell me that we didn't shut down her access when we let her go?
Don't believe her so quickly, Tom.
Gotta let people know the election's a fraud.
Comedy Store to the White House.
I came on the campaign to talk about issues.
- A good month. - Yes.
I'm sorry.
How do you get people in their seats? It's crazy.
Out of curiosity...
Case closed, end of discussion.
And also you could say obsessed with rock 'n' roll stars -
- Look at this. - It's like the circus.
For ease of voting, speed and accuracy of vote.
- Or maybe, just maybe, she's a succubus. - What's that?
Delacroy Systems has completed a deal with the European Common Market
then I guess fired...
God bless him. God bless Jack Menken!
Tom, come January 20th, the White House is yours.
Thank you, everyone. We're on our way to Washington. Wish us luck.
See the numbers? The computer glitch is happening the same way.
I'm here to talk tonight about political commercials.
- This is not your talk show. - And you're not on your private plane,
If you tell a joke and it stinks but you put a laugh track over it, the joke still stinks.
You're not concerned? Me crashing the party?
What do I do?
- You've got really great skin. - Thank you.
At 01:23 East Coast time,
if you have a helium car and you get rear-ended... (squeaky voice) Hey, something's wrong!
- (phone rings) - Tom here.
Phew, hope this works.
- Did I hear Saturday Night Live? - Yeah.
No, I know you because you're Tom Dobbs, I know you, but I don't really know you...
We just usually do fake news and jokes.
and, literally, brought down the House with laughter.
Senator, I think the public is pretty frustrated with the polarization of the parties
It should be on the news any minute. It looks like we're gonna take North Carolina!
She just told me I didn't win the election.
One o'clock, no Hitler.
Thought I'd spend the evening with someone who gets on my nerves.
- George Hamilton. Doesn't he have a grill? - No, that's George Foreman.
I know this is a little out of the ordinary, but did you have an employee named Eleanor Green?
And, uh, you've elected a man as President who is probably the unluckiest man in the world in that area.
You wanna get married? I need a wife before the debate.
Dobbs is going to surprise a lot of people.
You give speech after speech, nothing's funny.
(# La Mer by Charles Trenet)
- $200 billion, you could buy a few books! - Mr. Dobbs!
They have a video camera that takes a picture and compares it to your previous picture.
Like a good, dedicated employee, she sent an email to C.E.O. James Hemmings.
Introducing the Delacroy voting system.
Because Tom Dobbs is not the elected President of the United States. There. I've said it. Kill me.
- I can see that. - A put-down from the FBI.
- What's the matter? - You know. I'm unhappy.
- It's like being a kosher pig farmer. - He's getting angry.
- Did you touch my things? - No!
I'm with the President of the US in the Oval Office.
They ask you tough questions like, Where have you been? Why?
It isn't like you were in some side street gettin' head like, uh, Hugh, uh, whatshisname.
You mean I have to get married before the debate?
That's why I say you can't spend 200 million dollars on a campaign and not be owing people something.
There was one slogan before my time:
There isn't a paper trail. It's not the way the Delacroy system is set up. Congress knew that.
(show in background)
I want a man who's not afraid to go in the wetlands and drill.