Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...you could be... an even better one.

I love the buckled shoe, though - it's part pimp, part pilgrim.

Who's your woodsman? Who's your woodsman?

With this announcement, Delacroy stock has jumped 37% on the Big Board.

The government said recently... Well, a lot of people said that we're cutting back spending.

I don't think there's any more than that, not a lot of moisture here.

Double B's before double G's.

just so you could have the nuns in the thong and the feathers. (sings)

- I can't believe you touched my things. - Ellie, I didn't...

Yeah. Well, you know, I wanted to find you. I remember you said you worked at Delacroy.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. We may have a problem here.

where it's not only questions of malfunction but also questions of legitimacy.

Sir, we've got to get you to the airport a little earlier. A storm front is moving in.

I was always hoping in my own heart for a Brazilian Pope - Pope Raul -

I think that's the bottom line. In a democracy,

- I think there must be an open bar somewhere. - (audience laughter)

- Yeah, thank you. - (applause)

- Doctors used to recommend cigarettes? - Said they were good for you.

Mr. Dobbs, what would your position be on national security?

We're not exploring alternative fuels like methane - it's hard to hold that chicken over the gas tank.

In the mall. OK.

- Wow. - It's like something I never saw before.

And it's possible, if he takes all five states,

His staffer said, How can you prove that?

Happy Thanksgiving.

- Interested? - Uh... I don't know, Mr. Dobbs.

I feel so frustrated with the political system and my friends say the same thing all the time.

They'd be going through the private channels for that sort of thing. You know how that goes.

As I understand it, there's no problem.

President Kellogg and I think alike in this area.

- Everything all right? - Oh, just fine.

Tom, can't you do just two jokes of mine?

- Shopping? - No, I'm not shopping.

- Well, if you wanna be picky... - Oh, picky.

Kellogg and Mills are running about even, with Dobbs at around 17% of the vote.

but do it alone and with an eye to the future,

An outing? No, I-I had something I had to tell you.

Everyone's gonna be writing about how honest you are, how straightforward.

You've got a great group.

- Sorry. Just give me a cappuccino, please. - Sure.

(Tina) I threw my underpants at Britney Spears once... 'cause I thought she needed a pair.

Not now, please.

I thought you were gonna say you threw it at Paris Hilton and they stuck.

The old bastard's right. Look at that. You gotta be different to make an impression.

(cheers) Come on!

He's by far the strongest of the independents and I'm very much looking forward to the debate.

- Oh, like nothing happened? - Something like that.

- That's why I want to run for President. - Not punchy enough.

You should be accountable for who you are.

Computer malfunction.

Red states, blue states.

I'm gonna clean up my mess.

- Edgy! - There's no real difference.

Mills, I voted for you three times as much as I voted for President Kellogg.

with the referendums, propositions and just add the candidates' names.

and tell the American people that I'm not the legitimate President of the United States.

Therefore, there were no irregularities in the election and our safeguards proved to be impenetrable.

- Evidently not. - That's smart.

(woman) You're the greatest!

You can do better than most politicians you've elected recently,

(Jack) They didn't teach you to dance at the FBI? J. Edgar Hoover was a wonderful dancer.

You wanna talk about a serious issue, nowadays people tune out.

I underestimated you.

Don't fuck with our democracy. Don't undermine our way of life.

Her ID's showing up in the log. She's been in the mainframe, poking around the code depository.

She wrote that something was wrong.

- Comedy sells. Can we remember that? - I don't want to get into this.

- basically, game's over, folks. - (laughter)

that I should go with the Manolo Blanco, just to give you that little... (squeaks)

It's not what they go to see.

- No, I'll make it louder. Hold on. - (laughter)

Oh, no. And ball players don't do steroids, they just wake up one day looking like Mack trucks.

I once had a blind date that I left in the theater. I felt so bad, I married her.

If you found a system error, how were we gonna fix it?

have spent approximately $195 million apiece on the campaign for media advertising,

I go, No, I've done more than hug a tree.

Eleanor! We're going paintballing.

I left the night-light on.

Because I think a woman can be obsessed with a movie star like Brad Pitt - hello! -

It's a distraction! They point over here, they point over there - they want you not to know.

Oh, God. Oh, God. I worked at Delacroy and I worked so hard, and I cared.

Oh, it'll work. I think.

- It's no... - I got it!

- They'll get funny when I'm back on the show. - It's too dry.