Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Whenever they want to distract you they use weapons of mass distraction -
Thanks.
Did you write that? Where's the punch line?
You wanna shake it up! You have to be eyes wide open, ready to move on!
As Tom Dobbs' manager I was as shocked as everyone around me
It's a Tom Dobbs. Is that the Tom Dobbs, President-Elect Dobbs?
NO SHOPPING
Got a reporter says Delacroy's going to make a major announcement.
Not a cough in the carload.
- (pants) - (laughter)
and my relationship with the voting public.
We have evidence that Miss Green manipulated the prototype of our computer voting system.
because you've all heard there's a little bit of a rumor going around right now.
The free world will now be led by a comedian
- Boom! - I don't take kindly to you calling me a liar.
Mm. Uh, look, I'm a little confused. Is she...
women rushing the stage, fainting, for Elvis, for the Beatles,
It's all about accountability...
If there's no candles, Richard.
My father was a big smoker.
We also know that the president-elect has been seen in her presence recently,
Comedian Tom Dobbs has won New Jersey as well as Virginia,
So... what's she gonna do?
who was suffering severe psychological problems. We made an effort to get her medical help,
if i knew i would have left leave then
For those of you thinking of getting implants, there's something new to try.
No, you have to.
to see Dobbs' costumed visit firsthand.
- I'm feeling good. Almost euphoric. - Jack. Excuse me.
- Maybe that's not so bad. - I hope.
I've made such a mess. I've made such a mess.
You've got two minutes, Tom.
Let's move on. Alison, Jenny, your thoughts.
I... was just double-checking.
If you put enough chemicals in the water, you'll be fishing, going: I love catching two-headed bass.
When I was a young boy, I used to look at pictures of naked ladies. Hence, my right hand is very strong.
This is the happiest night of my life...
But women don't rush the stage for comedians.
Maybe it is best that you're the next President of the United States even if they didn't vote for you.
- (Amy) That's a good re-write! - (Tom) Good night, good luck!
I mean... wow.
- We got some clips. Are they ready? - I TiVo all his shows.
It's gonna be interesting.
What a pleasant way to spend the day, huh? Killing your friends?
Double B, double L, double G.
It's crazy. A woman tonight said I should run for President.
No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it...
and people of no party affiliation. I want diversity.
- I tell you, they seem to like this guy Dobbs. - Oh, Danny, please.
- I heard that! - Uh-oh, who said that?
They elected an Italian porn star to their senate.
We're absolutely out of control.
that could put Dobbs over the top of the 270 needed.
- Oh, Danny. - What?
And my hair.
Menken.
I'm sorry.
with respect to family, children, wives and immediate family,
A lot of people, they get the large ones. Those are lovely.
Are you with the ambulance? Eleanor Green?
I'm out of ammo!
Oh, my God! My eyes are open and I can hear again!
They attack environmentalists: You're a tree-hugger.
Well, I-I did work for Delacroy Voting Systems.
Boy, if she's figured out this computer glitch and goes with that to the press, we're royally screwed.
Will your legacy be as extraordinary as theirs?
are crossing the border with bedroom sets and night tables.
- Pump a little iron, you look like a Humvee. - With little tiny balls.
She's impossible. I don't know who she's talking to, what she's saying.
By the way, drug dealers have this place booked until dawn.
- Are you tired of the Republican Party? - (cheering)
Within three hours there were four million emails endorsing Dobbs for President.
- It'd be a good time to find a letter or two. - (woman) M.
- You want a beer or soda? - Soda, please.
It's an old Irish tradition.
- Well... - By your pause, I understand.
you deny other things - education, environmental issues...
Good. That's good.
they're doing special favors for special people and not dealing with what you need:
We are the wealthiest nation in the history of the world,
apart from the fact that she seemed obsessed with Tom Dobbs,
Tomorrow I will officially announce my candidacy for President of the United States.
Tell me that you are not receiving major campaign finance contributions from oil companies.
a blue and a red state,
What does my legal counsel suggest, then?
Does this mean I'm out of a job?
but we are very pleased to have a most honored guest with us...
Mm-hm.
The two Delacroy executives were arrested and later convicted
If she's not psychotic she's a stalker, and if she's not a stalker she's a CIA operative.
You could be Bewish - Jewish and Buddhist. You sit and you wait for things to go on sale.
Oh, I wish I could walk.
(GPS) Turn left.
Thank you very much.
They got me in because of my seriousness of purpose.
- (audience laughter) - Wow!
Here's our first contestant. Your name, please?
- Well, I could hold my mother's ashes. - (laughter)
Oh...
We have some dirty laundry that needs to be addressed.
I believe her, for Christ's sake. Look what they did.
I tried to warn them. It's that error that's made you the next President of the United States.
I'm not even President of the United States yet, and I'm involved in a scandal with a woman.
It's good to see us back. The fact that we can laugh is wonderful. But the last few years we've been divided.
or maybe it was because Tom believed his audience demanded it. Who knows?
going into the final 30 days of an election
I don't know. You know, it's not the sort of thing that I'd hear about.
But one thing could disturb this beatific vision.
Oh, but that's so weird. I never said anything to him.
All bets are off.
(phone rings)