Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work.

Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear.

It's Fake Baby.

But I don't want to talk about work.

The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.

There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.

up against the number seven seed, "Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."

All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.

Oh! I can't decide. It could be any one of them.

How are we even discussing this?

Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice. As Barney and Larney.

I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own,

How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?

am a jerk to women.

I've spent the last two days trying to remember

I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly.

deserves an apology, and I'm not telling you if she's the one

Hey, there, how are you doing?

Well then, to the last Fourth of July weekend

I'm tired and sad.