Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- Ah, got what you wanted? - I got what I wanted.

You know, they'll just pop 'em open like a pistachio.

but that's not the point.

[fanfare plays]

starting with the sailing networks, SN1 and 2.

because the Gluten Free Channel is sending two executives to watch our show

as my alternate.

And I love Dad, and I love his routine,

to say that I was the first female to bring notoriety to our field

My name is Tommy, also known as the Fist.

Oregon, Texas, New Mexico,

Sid the Hedgehog to the stage.

- Tommy, this has been a delight. - Oh, well, thank you so much.

You're... We had the Mexican the other day. It was spicy.

I missed you, too. Mmm.

It's a bit of a legacy. It's not what I dreamed of doing.

- Wow. - Great.

- What are you doing? - What?

hiding under coffee tables and behind sofas.

Oh, I see. I thought maybe they shrunk you down or somethin'.

- Okay. I'll check. - Yeah, I'm sure it's there.

That's one of the last joys in life, sharpening a pencil.

And not only that, but I mean, he was like,

And then, when I was 16, on my 16th birthday, I got this.

Um, I actually met Zook first time... Gosh.

- I completely... I'm with you. - You know. But I mean, I get crazy.

I had to find some electrical tape, but we're all good.

- But we'll talk about it together, okay? - Yeah.

had an affair with her daddy, who runs a filling station.

I see my role in the controversy that was involved in that.

- Oh. - [both chuckle]

He wouldn't have had to do it at all if you hadn't told him to do it.

but it's just not...

[music continues]

I've got bruschetta

And that's when I clock the audience,

- And where's he? - He's home sick today.

I put you down...

Here we go. Other side.

- Hello. - Hello.

You just never know if it's... if it's your day.

But studying dance was really, uh...

but, uh... you always gotta keep your wits about you, don't ya?

I'm gonna enter from over here. Got my bag of... bag of tricks.

and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to be my guest.

No, you're not a brilliant listener.

And that means I'm...

It could be my last time, you know? This could be my last hurrah.

Sit down, shut up. Enjoy the show.

[audience exclaims]

- We have the same daddy." - We do.

And, um... you know, couple times a week,

we both decided to volunteer at the retirement home for mascots.

of four of our Founding Fathers on this mountain.

It took me seven and a half years to graduate, but I did.

I think "squaw" is sweet.

- Shut up about the fucking ladder. - Right. Okay.

You're gonna go out there and perform.

It's like nature saying, with a big hand, slapping you across the face and saying,

He put the team in my name, and that meant a lot, too.

- [chuckles] - Luckily, I could do this.

- [laughing] Hi! - [shrieking]

is nature personified, okay?

- No, we're not okay! - We're okay.

[Gabby screaming]

It's always full.

- I'm sorry to interrupt you there... - No,

You don't tell him how good he is often enough.

hundreds of mascots wanted to compete in this year's competition.

I can use my dance, and I can help heal people, really.

- I got pulled over by the Old Bill. - You what?

- No. - I'll tell you what,

Now, I didn't even know that you could still get syphilis,

- Oh, two for one. - Uh-huh.

- Hello, there. - Oh, hello. Welcome, sir.

- Hi, how are you? How are you? - Hello.

and, uh... blow into the magical horn

Today is the day that you go out there and you show the world who Phil Mayhew is.

- Oh, great. - He's got a wonderful act.

We're gonna have a judges' table set up right over that way.

- All right. - [stammering] It's okay. I'm okay.

in spite of excruciating pain...

Oh, you wanna try my gum?

and it's enabled me to quit my job as a real estate appraiser.

The uh... you know, the club tattoo.

- What? Hi. - [laughs] Hey.

But I also think it's from other people, too.

so, you know, that got me interested in Mascotting.

I brought my nail art here, to the seniors.

I'm just not offended by the word "squaw." It means a little Indian girl.

It's like it's a reason to perform and also to reconnect with an old friend.

The day that I got her that baseball team, the look on her face,

He was great, wasn't he? [laughs]

Wyoming, Utah...

- I'm really hungry. - Okay.

My classmates loved that one.

and cheerleading, and scholarship, and, um...

"Tommy, become a bloody monk."

- You're not? [laughing] - I'm not.