Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Spike, my German shepherd...
Wait.
Well, then you'd better be willing to back it up...
While every contestant...
would have to be Miss Teen America 1995...
There we go.
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"
a group of boys calling themselves Queen...
Honey, if I was a good lover...
Jesus Christ!
'Cause otherwise it could have gone right through my head.
Oh, she's super happy.
I mean, maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant...
I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin'...
What?
I was ready.
to get our mom a proper headstone...
by Gladys before the pageant.
At least I got to compete, and my mom got to see me dance.
Foul play? Shit, no.
Oh, yeah, hell of a way to go, there.
I thought it might help you get some sleep.
One suggestion, sweetie.
but, I mean...
from neighboring state pageants...
Ain't that right, Jean?
Oh, gotta go.
Don't make me kick you where the good Lord...
always keeps her flame burning bright...
This thing cost your dad a pretty penny...
I work here now!
Never been around young girls.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
running eighteen miles a day on about four hundred calories.
We was robbed. We was robbed.
and John Dough...
I'll let you drive.
You are the one that wanted this.
we turn over to you this young woman...
Oh, no. You just missed her.
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
Foul play? Shit no.
- Marco! - Polo!
Shut up, Hank. This here's business.
Minnesota's American Teen Princess...
you know...
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.
you might as well be talking to the wall.
OK, real good.
Sometimes I dream of winning.
Oh, my God.
Hey Amber
when they raised and slaughtered their first pig.
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?
I don't think so.
What? Oh, my God.
Where each girl has a little ten-minute get-together...
I think that you guys should leave.
But none can compare to the greatest bark of all...
after he attacked me...
Amber, I'm sorry. I don't make up the rules.
As acting president...
You Guys Know The Retard's Pants Are Open?
and there was a line on this in Vegas...
Wait.
The t**d’s pants are completely off
Who are you?
Oh, that was "Buy American. "
Sarah Rose knows you're a teenage girl
they won't be looking at your feet.
Nah, I quit.
We got to go to state!
Springer Needs Help
I had to turn it in for scrap.
Stephen, the thinnest, most smartest
This is exactly how I picture it! Choking on pug gas.
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up your kid here.
since she was knee-high to a pig's eye.
Doing It Right
Said she doesn't look nothin' like the picture they gave you.
Maybe it's your way of telling us to buy American.
I'm not saying I'm the best or that I'd even win, but...
Brett Favre.
The tard's pants are completely off.
that the national didn't cough up a goddamn nickel...
for the reigning Mount Rose American Teen Princess.
is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls.
My little Carol Burnett.
So, has your mom kept your dad's life a secret?
Bad wiring?
Yeah, all my mom's clothes melted onto mine.
I have a little secret weapon of my own
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna sing and dance...
and being a big-time reporter like Diane Sawyer.
So, Brett, you want to go to the lake with me on Thursday?
thousands of seventeen-year-old girls like yourselves...
We got to... Get off of me, you cow!
IT MUST BE WEDNESDAY.
Don't let that worry you, Annette!
in alphabetical order.
Roll ‘em over! Lay ‘em flat!
Where is it?
she'd look up my dad and marry him.
Showtime.
Everything smells like that in Mexico.
Oh, thank you so much.
Choking on swan gas.
Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-Ons.
Oh, my God, my tap costume's gone.
Leslie Miller, proud to be an American.
But you... I mean...