Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You see any babies around here?

An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison

There's other people in this prison,

I'm not some cool story at a yuppie fucking cocktail party.

And no one is shitting in any cup, okay?

And it deserves to be celebrated.

'cause a minute with you two is better than Plan B.

We were never friends, Piper. We weren't...

That's what you're supposed to say, right? It's a baby.

But I just need to get... Out!

That's it. Now leave me the fuck alone.

I got mad control over my epiglottis.

Y'all are like some cautionary tale shit.

Oh, well, my husband isn't home. He's got the checkbook.

You two should tour high schools for abstinence,

My father, he sold candy out of a box.

Jesus, with this shit.

What? It's locked. Are you okay?

How are you feeling?

She works up front, eats souls for fun?

You wanna know how she gets the contraband in?

Oh, wait. Crowning. Let's look at crowning.

I think there are pictures.

Of course, honey.

After this comes the book deal, and then the movie deal,

I covered for her when she got here. Hmm? Just like I did for you.

so I had to let the guy run the meter until Polly's dad got there.

I'm just getting started, bitch.

Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

They won't even find out I was using.

I don't know. Polly made a last-minute Evite so...

Now, the prison doesn't need a case of the junkie jitters on record,

Five-hundreds. That's science.

Trailer park all-star with the classy neck tat?

Want me to read it? I am going to read it.

She made a mistake, okay? She's 19 years old.

and she's like, Where's Pete? Yes.

Besides, whatever she was doing clearly ran out, right?

What's it like when he comes to visit?

To the first of many articles in world-class publishing and the like.

I mean, shit. What's the point?

My mighty staff?