Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

They're going out of their minds.

♪ And made the water wine ♪

- Look, Jane... - Try groveling.

I'm worried about that two-man code.

and passing bad checks.

born Jack Newton, does not come from the Appalachians.

Thank you, Jesus!

You know how it feels to really need something, don't you, Georgette?

- Boy, are you a tough room. - The dark gray, definitely.

T-shirts, bumper stickers.

- [cheering] - Then what if I told you that one dollar spent

What is this, an elaborate setup or what?

Come on back for seconds.

I'll meet you in front of the diner tomorrow at ten in the morning.

[Lowell] Anything you say can and will be

Hallelujah, brother!

- [all muttering] - Yeah, all right.

The sheriff's name is Braverman. He's clean.

And if there's one thing I know,

Friend, I've seen a hundred signs.

[rain pattering]

Hallelujah, sister! Whoa, whoa.

Because when Thomas finally came to me,

Till then, this town can't afford a revival. Sorry.

he still had the fear.

And you, too, ma'am, come on up on stage.

all you got to do is get saved!

The preacher got him up on stage.

- Whoa! - Oh! [laughs]

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Are you ready for a miracle? ♪

- He's going to jail. - He stopped writing, didn't he?

stuck him with needles a foot long,

A drunk truck driver did that.

- Yes! Oh! - Hallelujah, sister. Hallelujah!

Nice to see you again, sister. Hallelujah. Receive God.

When is it gonna rain?

I just need to know, has the Lord forgiven him and welcomed him to heaven?

- Mm-hmm. - Can I take your order?

Just chalk one up for the big guy upstairs.

Same as in my business.

- So where's your church? - On every street corner in every town.

Janey, I never pretended I did.

Yakity-yak! Checks on the right path!

You know, there's gonna be some really sick people out there tonight.

Listen, I'm Jonas Nightengale. I want you to come down to the Rustwater campgrounds tonight.

Everyone's looking for you.

And I didn't have no 20-dollar bill before that.

all for nothing.

- Awful lot of no's there, Marva. - No lip.

♪ Gave power to you and me ♪

I'd like to hear what your sister has to say on the subject.

- I thought you said you had homework. - I'll do it later.

If I had more time, I'd take it.

in gourmet cooking and mail fraud.

Then he was arrested for selling fraudulent artworks

- [man] Eight with a .38. - Special today, steak.

to that poor family who lost their farm.

I need to ask you a question.

Can't say that I have, Lowell. But I know people.

N-O! Because doubt money burn the fingers of the righteous!

- Hello, friend. - She's got bone trouble.

[chuckles] Nuclear winter wouldn't destroy that man.

- You know it is! - Whoa, boy, I'd love to get me some of that!

So the last thing he needs is another phony messing with his head, OK?

[boy] My sister's a total slave driver.

I'd like to make you some promises.

Tomorrow at ten in the morning, your little brother's

[radio] An alleged miracle in the town of Rustwater,

♪ It's a highway up to heaven ♪

We'll have an old-fashioned revival. Lots of music,

♪ Now, I don't mind working so hard everyday ♪

and I've seen an old man get out of his wheelchair and dance.

♪ Walking on the king's highway ♪

All right, kid, I'll tell you what.

So let's hear it for insomnia. Hey, you.

♪ Are you ready? Are you ready? ♪

Now wave 'em around. Wave your hands like this.

The club that only God's faithful and generous can join.

- [crowd] Thank you, Jesus! - Say, Hallelujah!

Look, I kissed up to him, I got the permit.

Come right on in. Come right on in.

More valuable than diamonds and gold.

- Yeah. - And if you want to feel happy,

Are you ready for the goo feasting?

You know me, Janey, I know people.

- I think you should stick with your Bible-boinkers. - Jane.

He's alive! He's alive! He's in me, he's in you!

When you've got it, you've got the power of every ocean

Marva, huh? As in marvelous?

- Hey, kid, how about a game? -Da.

- Yes, sir! - The Lord tells me...

I knew you were worth saving.

[Jonas] Come on, baby!

all that boy has is faith.

Come on, the Angels will see him.

Come on, I want to show you something.

And we always have our malpractice insurance.

One week? Seven figures! Seven figures, man!

How much you put in the bucket?

and I believe everyone here tonight wants to give up sin...

♪ I'm gonna keep on walking ♪

♪ Are you ready? ♪

Now, maybe you like the show, and you leave humming a tune,

[Jonas] About a man from New York City.

I'm kidding. I'll have a decaf and toast.