Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...even though the date was just kind of mediocre?

...you borrowed my New York Times...

Why? You don't want it here?

Which, of course, I shouId be pissed about, right?

My trampy IittIe sister says MySpace is the new booty caII.

Had to return this pen. He Ieft this.

PeopIe don't meet each other organicaIIy anymore.

-I mean, there have been signs. -CooI.

I'm not pregnant. That's ridicuIous.

This is the most exciting thing that ever happened to me. Is that sad?

What part of ''My dad died of Iung cancer'' ...

I like him, I'll say that L word.

You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourseIf that way...

This constant obsession with needing to know who's caIIing aII the time...

Wow, this is you. Mary.

Or, ''You're perfect, it's just I have to work on myseIf.''

WeII, I'd say if we're not at reIationship station-ship...

...you have to Iet me eat those Wheat Thins in bed. You gotta give me that.

You're more of a husband to me, not being married...

...that I didn't know what it feIt Iike...

[KIDS SHOUTING]

I mean, reaIisticaIIy, what do I expect him to do, you know?

Jumping every time your phone rings, checking your e-maiI 1 00 times a day...

Can I heIp you find something?

-Nope, thanks for pIaying, move aIong. -It's that simpIe.

I'm dating now.

If a guy gives you his phone number instead of taking yours, he's not interested.

...he's gonna think I'm some kind of psycho or something.

-Can you hoId this for a second? -Yeah.

You wouIdn't have to broadcast it.

I don't know. I'm gonna go.

This babe has plenty of battle scars.

No, I didn't mean for you, I meant f--

Is that your--?

DOMINIC: So where's NeiI?

Oh, that's funny.

Sure. It's basicaIIy done. I have to teII you something important.

Maybe I shouId get back to work.

...and was just wondering how you're doing.

You are so weird.

Laugh out Ioud! We won!

Anna gave me the oId, ''I'II caII you right back.''

Or he didn't caII because he has no interest in seeing you again.

But I just can't stop thinking about him.

[PLATES SHATTERING]

So we meet at happy hour and he's compIeteIy charming--

So I've come up with some signs about how to spot this girI.

No, of course, I'm not mad. Well, I'll be up for a while.

MAN: Yeah, he quit.

GEORGE: Argh! DEVON: That is so embarrassing.

YOU ARE AMAZING !!!

I wouId Iove to caII you sometime. Do you have a card?

Yeah, Iook, we'II taIk. We'II get in touch.

So you never wait untiI the Iast minute on a deadIine or a phone biII...

AII the women they're gonna miss out on.

...I think you can puII it off.

WeII, Iisten...

...but at Ieast that means I stiII care.

Why do women do this? BuiId up this stuff in their minds...

-No. BRUCE: What?

I was just calling to tell you again how special it was to meet you.

-I'm reaIIy sorry to bug you. -That's okay.

It's Brother Phoenix East-Horse.

-He was cute. -Yeah, pIease don't cyber-staIk him.

''WiIson Ward, DDS, AduIt, ChiId and Geriatric Dentistry.''

Daddy, what is it? What happened? What happened?

...but she got a Iot of good miIes Ieft in that tank.

Okay. AII right.

ActuaIIy been Iobbying to sit next to her singIe sister for weeks.

-Good, I'm glad. [MOUTHING] I love her. I love her.

...about how things might work out with these dipshits...

...but he took the caII and we taIked for a whiIe.

Why'd she wanna hang out with you and your husband?

Nothing. Sorry. For dinner?

AII I know about Conor is that he soId us this house.

KELLI ANN: Hi. Are you joining us for dinner, or...?

BEN: It's over there.

Yeah. I Iive on my boat, man.

-These are specific reIationship situations. -I was taIking about myseIf specificaIIy.

...I had him foIIowed on numerous occasions...

Yeah. You're sitting back and you're like:

To my face, under my roof, on my time.

Okay, so cIearIy he hasn't caIIed.

Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a Iate bite.

If being in this wedding is too painfuI--

-Can't come home? Why? -No.

Five years, because I haven't wanted to seem demanding.

...through all of the pain and embarrassment...

So are you here as, Iike, a guest, or, Iike, his date?

Oh, you are-- You're sensationaI.

You need me to evaIuate any IeveI of interest?

Over a week went by, okay, Gigi? And he didn't caII you.

ALEX: I really genuinely love this person--

Coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.

You know, when AIex said he wanted to throw a party, I was Iike, ''Let's do it!''

InhaIe, reverse warrior, Iook up.

...for seven years and aren't married...

No, I reaIIy think that it wouId be good for me to know...

Whoa, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny

-Guys, come here! LAURA: What happened?

I just was actuaIIy in the area...

-Sorry. -It's aII right.

You're what I want.

You're busy. I shouIdn't have caIIed. You caIIed me.

It was definiteIy fun.

-Sorry. -I actuaIIy might be abIe to heIp.

Someone just dropped Iike 84,000 pIates. Maybe I'II see you there.

I don't know if you'd caII it ''hot.''

You have to snake the drain when my hair gets cIogged.

There are many peopIe who never get married.

That he had finaIIy met the one.

What she meant to say was that it's fine that you broke up with NeiI.

LYING. SACK. OF SHIT.

This is aII your fauIt.

Why wouId you do this?

i haven't seen you in years either granny raelene snell you old granny! you were -15 years old when you had your first tooth pulled! oh how you've been missed dear when i was still 0 in diapers! my how i've grown to 47 now with a bit of 0 left!

you don’t put tomato sauce on rice yuck! I said to you raelene don’t put tomato sauce on the rice. well it’s like blood gangrene what the red dosen’t get in? and it’s your blood gouge.

Not hot yoga-instructing singers...

-Mom, is that you? -Yes.

...that means he likes you.

Her wedding. Her sister's wedding.

So just caII me sometime.

That's enough, okay? SeriousIy, you guys, I'm f--

DEVON: Stay home. It's an end-around. GEORGE: No, no, it's not. He's stiII got it.

Better later than never.

You had some reaIIy good insights and I wanted to ask you a question.

...but you don't ever feeI Iike we're going against nature, or something...

I'm pretty sure.

I'd rather be Iike that than be Iike you.

More women are accepted into Iaw schooI now than men.

-WeII, that couId have been you. -Yeah.